And I Whisper
by FallAway
Summary: Extremely AU. She was gone. She was gone, and in her place stood someone unrecognizable to anyone who had known her. But maybe that’s the key. Maybe she needed someone who didn’t know her. Lit. Complete.
1. Prologue

Summary: She was gone. She was gone, and in her place stood someone unrecognizable to anyone who had known her. But maybe that's the key. Maybe she needed someone who didn't know her.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, so don't sue. It won't get you anywhere.

A/N: This story is extremely AU. I'm home sick today and staring out the window at the thunderclouds that are teasing me mercilessly, so I'm writing.

**Warning**: Does contain material concerning depression and suicide. Don't read if you have a problem with issues such as overdosing or cutting.

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"Tell me about yourself."

She stared blankly at the woman sitting in front of her. She didn't understand how this woman was supposed to help her. This woman was old and seemingly judgmental, eyeing her as though she were the most pathetic excuse for a human being there ever was.

"There isn't much to tell," she said softly, picking at a loose string at the end of her sleeve.

"I'm sure that isn't true."

Judgmental and assuming.

She knew it.

"It is."

The woman sighed and placed the legal pad she'd been holding on her desk, along with a blue pen. She looked up at the woman again and inwardly cringed at the woman's expression.

"Ms. Gilmore, I don't think you quite realize the consequences of your actions."

She understood. She understood just fine.

"Which actions would those be?"

But she didn't want to make this easy on the woman.

The woman groaned and shook her head.

"You know which actions those are, Ms. Gilmore."

"Kindly stop calling me Ms. Gilmore; my name is Rory," she said the last word slowly and deliberately. The woman sighed and nodded.

"Alright, Rory. Tell me why you did it."

She considered the question – well, demand – for a moment before speaking.

"It felt real."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"No."

"May I ask why not?"

"I believe you just did."

The woman sighed again and tapped a perfectly manicured finger against her chin.

"And to answer your question, I can't elaborate because you wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"Have you ever slid a box cutter across your skin?"

"No, Rory, I haven't."

"Well then you wouldn't understand."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I don't understand, Rory."

"I don't expect you to," she said quietly as she traced the path of water droplets down the car window. Her sleeve slid down her arm a little and she saw a flash of red. She closed her eyes for a second before pulling her sleeve back up.

"I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about how you won't even talk to a therapist. A therapist who your grandmother is paying insane amounts of money for because you said you can't talk to anyone who you know. I don't understand."

Rory looked away from the window and stared at her mother.

"You swore you'd talk to someone," Lorelai continued, glancing at her daughter. This was the first time she'd looked away from the window the entire way home.

"I didn't swear I'd talk to a therapist," Rory corrected, absentmindedly tracing the lines on her wrist with her fingernail.

"Who else are you going to talk to, then?"

She didn't answer. She simply turned back to looking out the window.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Coffee?"

She looked up at the man – boy – standing in front of her. She blinked a few times.

"You're new."

"That I am," he rolled his eyes and refilled her mug. Just as he turned to walk away she spoke again.

"What's your name?"

"Jess," he called over his shoulder, moving back around the counter and setting the coffee pot down before heading behind the curtain that led up to the apartment above the diner.

She watched the spot that he'd occupied just moments earlier and sighed softly.

"Burger and fries," Luke said softly as he set her plate of food in front of her. She tried to smile at him, but the gesture wasn't completed. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. "How was it?"

She sighed.

"I don't really know. I didn't tell her anything. She bothered me." He nodded.

"You know I don't think you need a therapist." It was her turn to nod.

"I don't either," she whispered.

"Do you need anything else?"

"No, but who's your new employee?"

"My nephew. Why? Was he rude to you?"

"No, no. I was just curious." Luke nodded and left her to eat her burger.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So that's Rory, huh?"

"That's Rory," Luke agreed as the two men watched her leave the diner. She yanked the hood of her sweatshirt over her head to guard against the storm and started walking in the direction of the bridge.

"She didn't seem 'disturbed,' as you so delicately put it," Jess said sarcastically.

"She never did. But apparently she's been cutting herself," Luke said quietly, glaring at his nephew.

"So you said. That's part of the reason I agreed to come down here, remember? Lizzie said I needed some straightening out and you said I could help her." Luke nodded.

"She just needs someone," Luke explained. Jess sighed and nodded.

"Was that the bridge she was headed toward?"

"That's the one."

"The bridge I used to live on when I was little?"

"The very same."

Jess nodded and looked out the window again.

"I'll be back later," he called as he left the diner.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He watched her carefully as he stepped onto the bridge. She was sitting in the middle, her legs dangling over the water, her expression void of all emotion. The only hint that she was contemplating something was the way she twisted her wrist in her hand, wincing every now and then.

He slowly walked closer to her, deliberately making noise as he did so. She didn't look up at him, but he knew she'd heard him by the way she scooted over, almost imperceptibly, to allow him room to sit.

"This was my favorite place when I was little," he said evenly as he sat down, staring out at the water and the way the rain droplets caused it to ripple.

"What makes you think I care?" she asked after a moment. He couldn't help but smirk.

"I don't."

"Then why'd you tell me that?" He looked over at her and bit back another smirk when he saw her looking back.

"It seemed like an easy way to get you to talk."

Blue met brown in a challenge, daring the other to back down. Neither did. She eyed him warily and he matched her look for icy look.

"You don't want to know me," Rory said finally.

"Seems rather judgmental of you," Jess replied quietly. She stared at him, her eyes widening a little.

"Why are you here?"

"My mom sent me to live with Luke."

"No, I mean why you're _here_? As in here on the bridge with me?"

"I told you, this was my favorite place when I was little," he responded evenly.

"And you chose right now to be nostalgic?" she bit.

"Maybe."

She turned back to the water. He did the same.

A comfortable silence settled between them and she inwardly shivered. She'd never taken part in a comfortable silence before; she especially hadn't taken part in one in the past few months.

And she didn't know what to make of that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N #2: Just sort of a prologue there. I'm not going to continue this if no one is interested, so if you'd drop a review and tell me what you think I'd really appreciate it.

And for anyone who's curious: I have dealt with depression. And I was a cutter. So some of the things you read from Rory's POV will come straight from my mind or my journals. Don't be surprised if they seem real – they are.


	2. Don't Know

A/N: Thank y'all so much for the reviews. I was really excited to see that people were interested in this particular plot line, as it isn't your typical RJ story … at least I like to think it isn't.

So I'm giving you an update now, because I started writing this in my homeroom class this morning and I wanted to finish it before my muse decided to abandon me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"…and your next appointment is tomorrow afternoon," Lorelai continued, speaking quietly so the other customers wouldn't hear her.

Rory continued staring out the window, picking at her sleeve. She'd occasionally catch something that her mother was telling her but she didn't care enough to take the time and process any of it.

"Stay with me, Sweets," Lorelai whispered, placing her hand over her daughter's. Rory's gaze flickered away from the window and down to their hands.

She continued to stare at her mother's flesh covering and warming her own before she glanced up at the boy in front of her, holding out a fresh pot of coffee. She nodded and he refilled her mug, doing the same for her mother before continuing on to the next table.

She sighed and pulled her hands out from under Lorelai's.

"I'm going to go for a walk," Rory said softly, keeping her gaze focused on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Lorelai sighed but nodded.

"I'll see you at home later," she agreed. Rory nodded and got up, leaving the diner slowly.

"I'm taking my break," she heard Jess' voice filter through the last crack of the door as it shut behind her.

A moment later, he was walking next to her in a companionable silence. She still wasn't sure how to act in a situation like that.

Normally the silence bore down on her, pulling her under an undecipherable mask of fear and anxiety. She would panic, trying desperately to grasp some sort of noise in the deafening silence but it would never work. She'd always end up drowning in the quiet, lost in her own thoughts and eventually turning to her one relief.

Her one relief had been taken away, however. She was now considered "unstable."

She hated that word.

"What do you want?" she asked finally, glancing at the boy beside her. Jess smirked and took a sideways glance at her without breaking his stride.

"I'm on my break," he shrugged. She rolled her eyes.

"Why do you keep appearing wherever I am?"

"I don't."

"You do. Stalking is illegal in all fifty states, you know," she said seriously, aggravated with his indifference.

"Ah, indeed it is. But I'm not quite at the point of stalking yet," he argued, his brown eyes dancing. Rory sighed.

"Fine," she conceded.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorelai watched her daughter leave the diner, smiling softly to herself when she saw Jess follow after her. Luke appeared at her side and sighed.

"She didn't run away from him," she whispered softly. Luke nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"He can help her," he said quietly. She looked up at him and nodded, smiling weakly.

"I hope so," she whispered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What happened to your arm?" he asked as they browsed through the shelves. She quickly pulled the sleeve of her sweatshirt back into place, pushing her hair behind her ears.

"I fell," she said quietly. He nodded and pulled a book off the shelf, scanning through it to see if it was of interest.

Rory bit her lip and proceeded to do the same, turning away from him as she browsed the pages of the novel.

"Now how about the real reason?"

She shivered. His breath danced across her skin and she turned her head to look at him.

She was surprised. Not only by his closeness, but by what she saw in his eyes.

Not concern, nor fear, nor anger. Simply curiosity.

"Did you do it?" he asked, moving around her so that he was standing in front of her, leaning against the bookshelf. She bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

After a few moments of silence, she nodded hesitantly.

Jess nodded again and held up the book he'd been looking at.

"H-Hemingway?" she whispered, looking questioningly at him. He nodded.

"Ever read him?"

"Yeah. I hated it," Rory confessed, taking the novel from him and flipping through it.

"How can you hate Hemingway?" he asked incredulously. She looked up at him and nearly grinned at the look of utter confusion that was plastered on his face.

"He's a cure for insomnia," she shrugged, handing it back to him.

"You're insane," he scoffed. She paused and locked eyes with him.

"That's what they keep telling me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You didn't have to walk me home," she said quietly when they reached her door. He shrugged.

"I'm taking a crack at this whole 'politeness' thing."

"Thanks," she looked up at him for the first time since their conversation in the book store. Jess nodded.

"Anytime."

Rory opened the front door and moved to step inside when he grabbed her wrist to stop her. She cringed and he immediately took his hand back.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"It's fine," she brushed it off, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Meet me at the bridge later?"

She hesitated. Looking at the hopeful expression his eyes held, however, she nodded. Jess smirked and nodded at her before turning and leaving.

Rory blinked a few times before stepping inside her house, shutting the door behind her and making her way into the kitchen.

"Hey Sweets," Lorelai smiled when she saw her daughter. Rory gave a little wave and went in her room. The older woman sighed and ran a hand through her hair before following her. "How was the walk?"

Rory leaned against her headboard and considered the question for a moment.

"It was nice," she said finally. Lorelai smiled and nodded.

"Good. That's good."

"We went to the bookstore."

"You and Jess?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"Rory?"

"Mom?"

Lorelai sighed and moved further into her daughter's room, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Are you feeling any…better?" she asked. Rory tensed up and absentmindedly ran her fingers across her wrist.

She didn't reply, and Lorelai nodded before leaving her room.

Rory closed her eyes and continued to trace her scars, re-memorizing each knick in her porcelain skin. She shivered when her fingers cascaded over her most recent cuts, the ones that had gotten her into this situation. They had been just like all the others, with one exception: he'd noticed.

Dean, her boyfriend, had noticed her scars. She hadn't meant for it to happen. She'd been careful, wearing long sleeves whenever she was around people, making sure not to fidget with her wrists when there were people who would notice.

He still had, however. They'd been at the movies and he'd been holding her hand. He'd moved his hand, however, when he'd had to pull his wallet out of his pocket to give her money for licorice. He'd felt the abrasions and questioned her on them, accepting her excuse of falling.

Until they left the dark of the theater.

Then he'd yanked her sleeve back and noticed all of the other scars that covered her wrist.

She didn't even remember him calling Lorelai and telling her what was going on. All she remembered was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, waiting to talk to a doctor that could recommend treatment for her.

Dean broke up with her.

Her grandmother automatically threw her into therapy.

She'd been to four sessions.

The therapist hadn't learned anything about Rory. This was mostly because Rory refused to speak during two of the sessions and revealed only cryptic answers during the last two.

She needed someone who really understood her. The only catch was that she wanted someone who didn't know her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You came," he said simply when she joined him on the bridge that evening. Rory nodded.

"I came."

Jess smirked and looked over at her. She was still playing with the sleeve of her sweatshirt, the same one she'd been wearing earlier.

They sat in silence for a while before Rory spoke again. And what she said surprised him.

"Do you wanna see?"

Jess returned his gaze to her and saw the tears that were forming pools in her eyes.

"Do you want me to see?"

Rory nodded. So did he.

She pulled back the sleeve of her sweatshirt and held her arm out in front of her, her eyes never once leaving his face. He looked down at her wrist and felt sick at the site. There were single cuts, small groups of cuts that seemed to have made designs at some point. There were crosses and letters and random little knicks here and there. He sighed and took her arm in his hand, massaging it slowly.

"Does that hurt?" he questioned softly, looking up at her. She shook her head and wiped away a few of her tears.

Jess sighed and continued to massage her arm with one hand, reaching up with the other and wiping her tears away.

Rory continued crying, letting her body shake with sobs as he pulled her to him and held her, abandoning his ministrations on her wrist. He sighed into her hair and whispered pointless nothings in her ear to calm her down, letting her soak his shirt with her tears.

He didn't know her. He couldn't. He'd only been in town for two days. She hadn't told him her life story. He didn't even know her favorite color. She didn't know what he'd done to be sent to Stars Hollow. She didn't know why she felt so comforted around him.

She did know that he seemingly understood her.

And he knew that he cared about her. Knowledge be damned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N #2: Lots of Lit for you, there. I also gave a basic explanation of how people found out about Rory's "condition." The next chapter will go into detail on a few things and might clear things up a little. There might be an interaction between Lorelai and Emily, but I'm not sure so don't be disappointed if there isn't.

Reviews are love.


	3. Her Own

A/N: Hello! Thanks so much for the reviews, and again I remind you: reviews are love. And I love you for reviewing. I'd start quoting Roxie Hart here but it'd just take up far too much space.

**deeper-thoughts**I'm actually very inclined to agree with you. I've read quite a few stories, novels even, in which characters are depicted as cutters and the emotional aspect of the experience is either lacking or entirely absent. It always made me really angry, because I've come to find that most people go off of either statistics or what they've heard. But that feeling cannot be duplicated or understood by someone who hasn't experienced it themselves.

Without further ado, I bring you chapter three.

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"_Maybe you and your daughter should consider letting her attend a private academy."_

She turned over in her bed. Again. She couldn't seem to find a comfortable position, and the thoughts that were running through her head at warp speed weren't helping.

"_Welcome to the real world, Ms. Gilmore. Things don't work the same way as they did in your little fairytale."_

She felt like an outcast. Chilton Preparatory Academy. What a sick joke. Sure, she was driven, and determined, and she had big dreams of becoming an overseas correspondent.

She was grateful for the opportunity to escape the melodrama and constant boredom of Stars Hollow High to attend a more prestigious school, further her academic career and help her along in her quest for Harvard.

But she didn't fit in with the rest of them. She didn't own six cars. She didn't live in a two-story house with seven bedrooms, three bathrooms, two kitchens, and a pool. She wasn't the little rich girl that everyone wanted her to be, no matter how much money her Grandparents had, how much money her name indicated.

"_Your mom looks really young."_

Technically, she was a mistake. She was reminded of that daily. She remembered listening from the kitchen of her grandparents' house as her mother defended her against her father's father. He'd called her mother stupid, careless, inconsiderate to have let her come into this world in the first place.

She groaned and turned over in her bed again, giving in to the inevitable tangle of her legs and her sheets. They were forming a spider web of sorts, one that she'd have to fight to get out of in the morning.

"_I want to make this work. I want us to be a family."_

He didn't want them to be a family. Well, maybe he did. But they couldn't be; it just wouldn't work. He was a flake, someone who was only there when something had gone wrong for him or for his daughter. Most times he wasn't even there when something was wrong for her.

She'd sprained her ankle when she was thirteen, and he hadn't even returned the message her mother had left. She'd gotten first place in the spelling bee when she was eight. Not so much as congratulations. She'd been in countless school productions that her mother had been front row center (literally) at, and he hadn't even called to acknowledge these accomplishments.

He made her feel like a failure; like someone who couldn't even make her own father proud enough or happy enough to stick around.

She closed her eyes tightly and rubbed her palms over them, trying to wipe away the images and the thoughts she was having. She just wanted to sleep.

"_Why is he dating her? He could do so much better."_

Then there was Dean. _Her _Dean. He'd moved to Stars Hollow barely even a year ago. She'd thought she had fallen in love with him, but she was wrong. When he dumped her five minutes after he found out that she wasn't his perfect angel, she knew she had been wrong. He'd tried to apologize a couple weeks after the fact but she wouldn't hear of it.

She hadn't felt comfortable enough to open up to him and tell him the things that bothered her. She couldn't even tell her mother, for she would only coddle her and try to fix everything.

She didn't want anything to be fixed.

She just wanted someone to understand her. To listen to her, and accept that she felt the things she did, and let her cry on their shoulder without giving her any advice.

Rory didn't find that comfort.

She found a cold metal blade.

The blade was introduced to the soft skin of her wrist.

They hit it off instantly, continuing their affair for nearly a year before they were found out and forced apart.

She finally closed her eyes and fell into a fitful sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, begging for sleep. His eyes flickered to the clock and he saw the bright red '3:00' staring back at him. Three a.m. and he hadn't gotten a single moment's rest since he'd gotten home from the bridge at nine.

He'd read for two hours, plowing through _On the Road_ for the fourth time.

As soon as he'd tossed the book to the floor, he'd tried to fall asleep.

"_Your son is deeply disturbed, Ms. Danes."_

That sure as hell wasn't going to happen.

Memories of New York flew through his mind, taking him back to moments he hadn't revisited in months. He remembered the time he'd asked his mother why he'd never met his father. He remembered her flavor of the week kicking him in the stomach, too drunk to notice the sobbing five year old in the middle of the kitchen floor.

He remembered his first, second, and third suicide attempt.

The third was what had gotten him tossed into his Uncle Luke's life. Stars Hollow, a town he hadn't been to since he was eight and the monthly visits had stopped. He hadn't even meant to kill himself that time around. He wasn't supposed to bleed that much, honestly. But it had landed him in the hospital for two weeks and he realized he needed to turn himself around. Suicide wasn't going to fix a Goddamn thing, especially not if it meant leaving his halfwit alcoholic mother behind to pick up the mess he'd leave behind if he succeeded in his attempts.

"_We believe he's suffering from manic depression."_

His mental condition hadn't been diagnosed yet as far as he was concerned. Anti-depressants didn't help him when he was flying through an alley with a drug dealer twice his size hot on his heels, firing random shots into the air around him.

Twenty four hours in an observation room didn't help him stop the blood flow when he'd punched his hand through a window.

"_You're going to live with your Uncle Luke. I don't know how to help you, Jess. You need a change of pace."_

Since when was his mother a fucking psychiatrist? She was just as messed up as him, if not more. He ran his hands over his face and let his fingers linger over the light scar on the side of his neck.

No one told him that rope burn leaves scars.

No one told him the after effects of having your stomach pumped because you took over three dozen sleeping pills.

No one told him you could bust an artery with a shattered beer bottle.

Jess looked around the tiny apartment and groaned again, turning over and burying his face in a pillow.

He fell asleep moments later.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Coffee," Rory said quietly when she sat down at the counter. Luke nodded and poured her a mug, waiting patiently to see if she wanted anything else. "And toast." He nodded again and jotted down the order, passing it back to Caesar before patting her on the shoulder briefly and moving to take a new customer's order.

She traced random patterns on the cool surface of the counter, blocking out the sites and sounds of the diner.

"Boo," she heard in her ear. She jumped and whipped around on the stool, holding a hand to her chest.

"You jerk! You scared me," she mumbled. Jess smirked.

"That was the intention. Hence the ghost impersonation," he deadpanned. She rolled her eyes and turned back to her coffee. She idly fingered the plate of toast that had been placed in front of her and sighed.

A moment later, Jess was leaning on the counter in front of her, trying to make eye contact.

"Are you ok?"

"Fine."

"You're not the best liar."

"I'd have to be to have gotten away with this for nearly a year," she muttered, lifting her left wrist off the counter slightly. He winced. She sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm fine, Jess."

"Luke! I'm taking my break!" he called over his shoulder. Jess walked around the counter and took hold of her right hand, dragging her off the stool and out of the diner. She followed him with a look of utter confusion on her face.

"Let go of me," she struggled to pull her hand away, but he held fast and intertwined their fingers. She fought to gain control of her heartbeat. She didn't like the feeling she got when he did that.

"Is this about last night?" Jess questioned when they were standing in the gazebo. Rory's eyes darkened considerably and she glared at him.

"What are you talking about?" He rolled his eyes.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. You let me see your scars, not to mention letting me hold you while you cried, and now you're freaking out and pulling back."

She took a step back and swallowed audibly. Her movements were somewhat subdued, however, because he was still holding her hand.

"I am _not_ a weak person," she said in a low voice. He nodded. "You can't help me, so I don't get why you're trying."

Jess contemplated her for a moment, opening and closing his mouth a few times before speaking.

"How can I help you if I don't even know you?"

Rory bit her lip to keep the tears from falling. She sighed and moved closer to him, burying her head in his chest.

"Thank you," she whispered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Independence Inn, Lorelai speaking."

"Hello Lorelai."

"Hi Mom," she sighed and leaned against the desk, pushing a hand through her hair.

"How is everything?" Emily asked, seeming genuinely curious as to how her daughter was.

Lorelai knew better.

"If by everything you mean Rory, then I don't know." The older woman sighed into the phone.

"She has another appointment with Dr. Albaum today, doesn't she?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Has she told you anything lately? I just spoke to Alyssa yesterday and she informed me that Rory won't tell her anything. I just don't understand, Lorelai, what would make her do something like this?"

Lorelai sighed deeply and shook her head.

"I don't know, Mom, but I do know that Rory doesn't want to keep going to these sessions. She's more detached than any other time when I pick her up from that office," Lorelai stressed.

"Well who else is supposed to help her? She's refusing medication, she won't talk to you, and I don't know how to help her!"

"She just needs to find someone. She needs to figure out how to open up to someone about this, and I don't think that forcing her into therapy twice a week is helping that process."

"This is your daughter, Lorelai. Aren't you even the least bit concerned that she won't say anything?"

"Of course I am, but I can't force her to talk to me," _as much as I'd like to,_ Lorelai thought.

Emily sighed.

"Alright. Are you still coming to dinner on Friday?"

"We'll be there."

"Goodbye, Lorelai."

"Bye, Mom."

She sighed and hung up the phone, putting her head in her hands for a moment. This whole situation was just far too difficult.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"How are you today?"

She began counting the little bouquets of flowers that lined the walls. Idly, she wondered who would want wallpaper of daisy bouquets.

The woman in front of her sighed and took her glasses off for a moment, cleaning them with the hem of her blouse before placing them back on the bridge of her nose.

"Rory?"

She looked back at the woman when she heard her name. She frowned. It sounded so much better when he said it.

She internally kicked herself for thinking about him. That was the fourth time in an hour that she had thought about him.

"Rory, I need you to talk to me."

Why did she keep thinking about him?

Oh, wait. That's right. He hadn't promised her the world.

He'd only promised to tell her about it.

"_I'm so tired of empty promises," she whispered into his shoulder, tightening her grip on him. He rested his chin on her head and rubbed her back lightly._

"_I won't make empty promises. I don't even believe in empty promises," he confessed. She looked up at him._

"_You understand me far too well," she smirked softly. He returned the gesture._

"What are you thinking about, can you tell me that?"

She blocked out the woman's voice and returned to the moment she'd experienced just before her mother had practically dragged her out of the gazebo to take her to her appointment.

"_Will you tell me about New York sometime?"_

"_Sometime," he paused, "Will you tell me about…you… sometime?" She nodded._

The woman sighed.

"I think that's about all the time we have for today. I'll see you on Tuesday, Rory."

She got up and went out into the lobby to meet her mother. Her eyes widened a little.

"What are you doing here?"

"Your mom called the diner stressing about some Inn emergency. I offered to come get you," Jess shrugged. She could have actually smiled. Instead she simply walked over to him and hugged him.

Dr. Albaum stared at the event unfolding in the waiting room.

Jess chuckled lightly and held her.

"What?" he whispered into her hair. She closed her eyes.

"Nothing," she replied, stepping out of his embrace and following him out of the building.

Maybe she didn't need therapy. She seemed to have found her own.


	4. Tell Me a Secret

"So, Rory, how are your sessions with Dr. Albaum going?"

She pushed around a small piece of chicken on her plate for a second, and then shrugged. Emily sighed. Lorelai cleared her throat softly.

"You know, Rory, Alyssa really is a very nice woman. I think if you gave her the chance she could be just what you need," Emily pushed. Rory sighed and dropped her fork, looking up at her grandmother.

"I don't need therapy," she said slowly. Lorelai's eyes widened.

Not even she would talk to Emily like that.

Emily stared at her granddaughter for a moment.

"Well then, dear, tell me what it is that you need," she said coolly.

"What I need is for everyone to stop trying to help me," Rory said firmly.

"What you did was horrible, Rory, do you understand that?" The younger Gilmore rolled her eyes.

"I get it, thank you."

"Do not take that tone with me."

"Stop treating me like a fragile little bird, then," Rory snapped.

The three women went back to their meal.

No one said a word for the remainder of dinner.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I gotta say, kid, you've got guts."

She looked at her mother. Lorelai smiled encouragingly.

"I don't think I've ever seen Emily Gilmore so put-out. Honestly." Rory nodded a little and looked out the window again. Lorelai sighed. "Do you want to rent a movie?"

Rory considered for a few moments, playing with the sleeve of her blouse before answering.

"Sure." Lorelai smiled.

"Ok."

"Can I invite someone?"

The older Gilmore paused and glanced at her daughter out of the corner of her eye.

"Jess?"

Rory closed her eyes for a second and bit her lip, turning to her mother, "Yeah."

Lorelai nodded, "Sure."

Rory smirked softly and turned back to the window.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Did you see Rory at all today?"

"Nope."

"Talk to her?"

"Nope."

Luke sighed and stared hard at his nephew, trying to read him. He was leaning on the counter, reading some book he'd never heard of, occasionally writing notes in the margins.

"Do you think you can help her?" he asked finally. Jess stopped reading and glanced up at his uncle.

"I don't know," he said quietly. Luke nodded. "But I want to."

The older man blinked.

"You like her." Jess rolled his eyes.

"I don't even know her," he argued.

"But you do. You like her."

"Shut up," he groaned, returning to his book.

The bell above the door jingled, indicating a new customer. Jess glanced up uninterestedly and smirked.

She was standing there in a light blue blouse and a nice black skirt, fidgeting with her sleeve, per usual.

"Hey," she said softly, offering him a weak smirk. He nodded.

"Hey, Ror," he returned.

Luke watched the interaction with interest, noticing the way Rory's eyes lit up just a little when Jess said her name. He'd missed that spark in her eyes, and it hadn't been present for quite a while now. He'd almost forgotten what it looked like.

"Uh…my mom and I, we were going to have a movie night, and I was curious if you'd want to join us?"

Jess grinned slightly at this and nodded.

"What's the movie?" She shrugged.

"Don't know; Mom's at the video store right now." He nodded and looked to Luke.

"Take your key, I'll be closed by the time you're back," the older man advised. Jess nodded again and shoved his book in his back pocket, moving around the counter to join Rory.

They left the diner and walked side-by-side towards the video store in silence.

"What's with the outfit?" he questioned, gazing at her ensemble again. Rory blushed lightly and tucked her hair behind her ear. He took a mental note of how cute she looked when she did that. Then he made a mental note not to make mental notes of things like that.

"I just got back from dinner with my grandparents in Hartford," she explained, "We go every Friday."

"Ah," Jess nodded and smirked.

"I'm trying to convince them that I don't need therapy," she said after a moment. He looked at her and cocked an eyebrow. "I mean," she stumbled to elaborate, "It's not really helping. I don't want a 'professional' to tell me what's wrong with me. I know perfectly well what's wrong with me."

He nodded, "And what's that?" She blushed again. He smirked.

"I just…I was frustrated because no one cared to understand. They care about me, they love me, I know, but they don't understand what it feels like, you know?"

Jess shook his head, "I don't know." She looked up at him and bit her lip.

"You're the first person who I've ever felt comfortable…opening up to," she said softly. He smiled this time, genuinely smiled, and took her hand in his own. She looked down at their hands and sighed softly, intertwining their fingers. Jess squeezed lightly and Rory returned the pressure.

They entered the movie store that way and Lorelai made a mental note but decided not to comment.

Her baby was getting the light back in her eyes and she'd be damned if she got in the way of that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tell me a secret," he said quietly. She looked at him in confusion.

They were sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch. The movie was turned down, due to the fact that Lorelai had fallen asleep twenty minutes ago.

"Like what?"

"Anything. Tell me…" he hesitated, "Tell me why you did this," he took her wrist in his hand. She sighed deeply.

"It made me feel real for once." Jess nodded. "It was something that I knew was a bad thing, but it felt good. It really, really felt good," she whispered.

He pulled the sleeve of her sweatshirt back (she'd changed since they'd gotten to her house an hour prior) and began to trace each of her scars in turn, lightly applying pressure every now and then. Rory watched his hand; mesmerized by the way he was making her feel.

Relaxed. Calm. Complacent.

The last time she'd had that feeling had been over a month ago. And she'd gotten that feeling from a piece of cold, sharp metal.

"It drained the emotional pain, didn't it?" Jess questioned, watching her watch his hand. Rory nodded and looked up at him.

"I could pinpoint the pain that way," she said honestly, locking eyes with him, "I didn't have to guess what was bothering me. It was concrete. I knew that it was my wrist that hurt, and I knew why it hurt." Jess nodded again.

"The emotional pain isn't that easy." She shook her head.

"No, it's not."

"So you resorted to the physical."

"Yeah."

"What was the emotional?"

Rory pondered the question for a moment. She took her right hand and placed it over the hand that was still massaging her wrist, biting her lip simultaneously.

"My mom was sixteen when I was born. I was a mistake; I'm not supposed to be here."

Jess swallowed back the lump in his throat when her voice broke a little.

"My dad likes to play games a lot," she continued, softer, "He calls about once a month to say hello. He came to visit a few months ago and tried to convince my mom that he wanted us to be a family," she shook her head and laughed bitterly. "We can't be a family. It just wouldn't work, so he gets to continue missing every important moment of my life."

Jess gently turned his hand, tracing light circles in the palm of her hand. She shivered but continued.

"I go to a private school. Chilton Prep. I don't fit in; I'm not a rich snob like the rest of them. And God, Dean…"

He furrowed his brow for a moment.

"He was my first boyfriend," Rory explained when she saw the look of confusion on his face. "He actually was the first one to find out about my…hobby," she swallowed. "He broke up with me about five minutes after he saw the scars," she whispered. Jess shook his head and sighed.

"What a dumbass," he shook his head again. Her eyes widened a little. "What the hell ever happened to sticking by your girlfriend when she's having a tough time? Jesus."

Rory couldn't help but smile a little at this. He hadn't apologized; hadn't expressed pity for her. It was nice.

"As for the other stuff…my dad left me about an hour after I was born. Said he was going to get diapers, never came back."

She blinked at him. He smirked.

"My mom had a new flavor of the week all the time. Most of them were alcoholics, just like her. A couple of them beat me. I pretty much raised myself, and we lived in one of the worst parts of New York."

She frowned and pushed her fingers in between his, holding his hand in her lap.

"I went through the drugs stage. The drunken stage. All of it. None of it made me feel any better really. I read a lot. It was easier just to escape from my own world and enter a fictional one for a while." She nodded. That was something she definitely understood. "I've tried to kill myself three times," he revealed.

Rory swallowed audibly and scooted closer to him. He sighed and looked at her, leaning his head back against the couch. She pushed a stray hair out of his eyes and nodded for him to continue.

"The first time I tried to hang myself. See this scar?" he asked, pointing to the light scar on the side of his neck. She nodded and trailed her fingers over it lightly. He shivered slightly but kept going, "Rope burn."

Her mouth formed a small 'O' but she didn't reply.

"The second time I took over three dozen sleeping pills. I ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped." She cringed and he nodded, "Yeah. The third time I took a shattered beer bottle my mom had thrown at me and slit my wrist."

Jess paused and looked up at the alarmed look her eyes held. He shook his head and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, brushing a thumb across her cheek lightly.

"I almost busted my artery, ended up spending two weeks in the hospital because of it. That's when my mom decided to send me here, to help me straighten myself out."

"Wow."

He nodded, "Yeah."

"I guess we're just two of a kind, huh?" she laughed weakly. He smirked.

"At least I got you to laugh," he said quietly, nudging her head gently with his own. She smiled, then. He swallowed. She hadn't ever smiled for him.

Lorelai bit her lip to keep from crying when she saw the happy expression on her daughter's face. She'd woken up halfway through Rory's story and had heard all of Jess'.

But Rory was _smiling_. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her daughter smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Thanks for coming tonight," Rory whispered when she walked him to the door. He nodded and turned towards her, pulling her into a quick hug. She smiled against his shoulder.

"Thanks for talking to me," Jess returned. She nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Goodnight, Ror," he said softly as he left. She closed the door after him and drifted into her room, lying down on her bed and staring at the ceiling.

She idly thought about the blade that resided under her bed.

And for the first time in over a month, she didn't feel like using it.


	5. Little Piece of Metal

"Lorelai said you got Rory to open up last night."

He looked at his uncle in concern for a moment before replying.

"She heard all of that?"

"Most of it; I think," Luke returned. Jess sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't think Rory wanted her to hear those things."

"Those two are best friends, Jess," Luke disagreed, "Rory would have told her sooner or later."

"Well, what if she had wanted it to be later?"

"It is later. It's been a month since Dean saw Rory's scars."

"Don't talk about him," Jess growled, clearing the table of the last couple to leave.

"Oh, that's right. You like her; I forgot. Sorry," Luke grinned. The younger man rolled his eyes and glared at his uncle. "Don't look at me like that, you know it's true."

Jess didn't respond.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I don't want to talk about it," Rory said in a low voice. Lorelai closed her eyes for a second.

"I just…I wish you would've told me what you were feeling."

"You would've tried to fix things."

Lorelai paused and stared at her daughter. Tears welled in her eyes and she let out a quivering breath.

"I don't want things to be fixed. I never did; I just wanted someone there who wouldn't give me pity and who wouldn't necessarily understand or accept it, but they'd let me cry and they wouldn't push me. That's what I needed – need," she corrected herself, "That's what I need," Rory said quietly, glancing up at her mother from her bed. Lorelai stood in the doorway, nodding numbly.

"Jess," Lorelai whispered, "You found that in Jess."

Rory nodded, "Yeah. I found that in Jess," she agreed.

"Do you um…" the older Gilmore paused, "Do you like him?"

Rory sighed and ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head.

"I don't know."

"Ok."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She sat on her bed, fingering the tiny piece of metal. She gazed at the dried blood that still covered a corner of it, shuddering slightly. A drop of water fell onto the object and she sighed, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

Pulling back her sleeve, she stared at the maze of lines covering her left wrist. Some were white, simply scars from her first explorations, while others were a faded pink color. A few were still a light red color, and she realized that those had been her last. They had been the ones she'd created the evening before Dean found out and her skin's wild affair with the cold piece of metal ended.

She sighed again and continued to twirl the object in her fingers. After the conversation with her mother, she'd realized how much that tiny little piece of metal had affected her; ruined her, essentially. She'd hated how she felt before she turned to it, and she hated herself for not being strong enough to just deal with her problems as opposed to erasing them. It had been her escape, her favored technique of pain reduction for nearly a year. All that time she'd hidden her problems from the one person that loved her most; she'd hidden them from her best friend.

More tears fell down onto the blade and she groaned, sniffling a little and setting it on her nightstand.

Her fingers found the phone and she dialed mechanically.

"Hello?"

"Hi," she said quietly. Jess sat up in his bed when he heard her voice.

"Hey," he said hesitantly. She sobbed quietly and took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to control the tears. "What's wrong?"

"Are you busy?"

"No," Jess said softly, "Talk to me, Ror."

"Can you come over? I really don't want to do this over the phone," she whispered. He swallowed.

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

The dial tone blared in her ear and she hung up, placing the phone back on her nightstand and picking up the blade again.

She felt like she was about to check out again.

That was one of the scariest feelings she knew.

Rory continued to stare at the sharp metal razor blade, sniffling every few seconds and ignoring the tears that were beginning to leave tiny stains on her bedspread. She placed the edge of the blade to her arm and yanked it back almost instantly, trying desperately to fight the instinct. She started shaking from the desperate need to feel metal against flesh, pulling back to reality only when she heard a tap on her window.

Looking over, she saw him with his hand pressed to the glass. She swallowed deeply and got up to open the window, stepping aside to let him in.

Jess didn't say anything. He simply took the small metal object out of her hands and set it on her desk, pulling her into his arms. She sobbed against his chest, shaking them both a great deal. He tightened his hold on her and whispered the same thing over and over into her hair.

"You don't have to fight anymore. I'm here. Rory, I'm here. It doesn't have to be this hard."

Eventually she stopped sobbing, but neither pulled away.

"What happened?" Jess asked softly. She burrowed further into him and he stroked her hair, closing his eyes momentarily. It frightened him to see her like this. In the few days he'd known her, he'd come to care so much about the broken girl in his arms. It scared him.

"My mom," she whispered, pulling back just enough to look at him.

"What about her?" he matched her volume, tenderly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She shook her head and he stroked her cheek with his thumb, urging her to continue.

"She overheard us last night," she took a deep breath, "She was so hurt," Rory shook her head. The tears started to fall again and Jess gently brushed them away, letting his lips brush her forehead. She tensed for a second but then relaxed. "God, Jess. I couldn't even look at her. It hurts so much to know I hurt her."

Jess nodded and rested his forehead against hers. "Did you cut again?" She shook her head vigorously and he nodded, kissing her forehead again. "Good," he murmured.

Rory closed her eyes and leaned into him again, burying her head in his chest. He was solid; strong. Sighing deeply, she let herself relax against him and eventually calmed her breathing.

"I always feel so detached," she said after a while. He nudged her head gently with his own to get her to look at him. She did. "I didn't use to feel this way, I…" she trailed off.

"When did it start?" he questioned gently, pulling her closer. She sighed.

"When I started at Chilton; that was right around the time that my dad came to visit for the first time – ever – and his father told my mom that she was an idiot for having me in the first place," she said in a low voice. She remembered the events as though they'd happened just yesterday. It wasn't a good feeling.

Jess didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what he could say, even if his voice hadn't seemingly left him when she'd started talking.

"A few weeks later…that was the first time. After I'd stood in my grandparents' kitchen and listened to her desperately trying to defend me; then watched my dad leave the next day, I was so drained. Dean was busy with school and sports, not that I would have talked to him about it anyway. He never understood me, really. It came as an after thought when I was cutting open a package we'd received," she revealed. "After my mom went to bed I just sort of…did it. And the pain felt so, so real. It was solid."

"That's how I felt after I slid that beer bottle across my arm. Solid; real," Jess agreed. Rory looked up at him curiously.

"Can I…" He nodded and pulled his left arm from its position around her waist, letting her roll the sleeve back. She traced the singular scar lightly and sighed softly.

After a moment he dropped his arm back around her waist as she rested against him again.

Solid; real. And for once it wasn't a piece of metal.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I should get going," he whispered. She shifted closer to him.

They were lying on her bed, tangled up in one another.

"Don't," Rory whispered weakly, burying her head further into his chest. Jess sighed and rubbed her back reassuringly.

"Luke will be pissed if I'm not back soon. It's nearly midnight, Ror."

"I don't care."

He sighed again and pushed his fingers through hers, holding her hand against his chest. If he could choose, he'd stay right where he was and hold her as long as he could. But he really did have to go.

"You're going to be fine. I'll see you in the morning anyway," he said softly. She shook her head and looked up at him.

"I'm scared," she admitted. He closed his eyes for a second.

"Your mom will be angry."

"She'll understand."

"Luke needs me to open the diner in the morning."

"Call him and explain."

"You don't need me."

"Yes I do!"

Silence fell over the room. Rory blushed and buried her head in his chest again. Jess swallowed audibly, shocked by her admission. He let out a slow, shaky breath and tightened his grasp on her.

"Where's your phone?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She stood in the doorway of her daughter's room, torn by what she was seeing.

A boy lay in her daughter's bed, holding her daughter as she grasped onto him for dear life. A peaceful expression was present on her face, forcing Lorelai to think twice before rushing into the room and yanking him out of her bed.

Rory hadn't held a peaceful expression in months.

She sighed and leaned her head against the door frame, thinking about the phone call she'd received from Luke a few minutes ago.

He'd told her about Jess' concerned phone call before and how he'd given his nephew permission to stay if that's what Rory needed.

She sighed again, deciding to let them sleep. She quietly closed the door behind her and made her way upstairs to get ready for work.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You can't be serious."

"I am, mom."

"She needs professional help!" Lorelai sighed.

"No, mom, she doesn't. She found help all on her own."

"Oh, what is it now? Sleeping pills, drugs, or alcohol? Lorelai, she is not stable," Emily said firmly.

"I'm well aware that she has a lot of things to work out, but she doesn't need Dr. Albaum to do it. She found her own method, and she actually told me a few things yesterday."

Silence filled the line for a moment.

"Fine."

The dial tone blasted through the receiver. Lorelai sighed and hung up, running her hands over her face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was staring at the ceiling. He could feel her breath through the fabric of his t-shirt and the way she'd squeeze his hand every now and then. He smiled a little and looked down at her. She looked peaceful, and he had a feeling she didn't look or feel that way very often. She'd confirmed that suspicion last night, when she'd told him she always felt detached.

Rory stretched a little and snuggled further into him, letting her eyes flutter open slowly. She smiled.

"Morning," she whispered, yawning.

"Hey," Jess returned.

"What time is it?"

"Nine."

Rory nodded and yawned again. "I need more sleep," she decided. Jess rolled his eyes and squeezed her hand lightly.

"I need to get to the diner," he sighed. Rory frowned.

"Yeah, I suppose you should," she agreed quietly.

"I'll stop by later to see how you're doing, ok?"

"Ok."

He kissed her forehead and slipped out of the bed.

He gave her one last glance before leaving. She was asleep again.


	6. Falling

A/N: You'll all hate me at some point during this chapter.

**Dione Robertson: **That is a huge compliment, thank you so much. I can't say that I entirely agree with you, but thank you. All your questions will be answered within the next few chapters, I assure you.

And now I bring you Chapter 6.

XXXXXXXXXXX

It had been nearly three weeks since her breakdown. She and Jess had opted not to fill her mother in on the details of that night, saying simply that she needed him and he was there. It still scared her to think about how close she'd come to falling apart again that night. Thankfully he was there, no questions asked, to pull her back from the edge.

It was an odd feeling. She felt a semblance of happiness when she was with him. He made her feel again; he erased the numbness and replaced it with bliss. She trusted him, she understood him, and she knew that the feeling was reciprocated. She could easily say she was falling for him. That scared her, too.

"Rory!"

She turned and bit her lip when she saw her best friend running towards her. She absentmindedly started playing with her sleeve, making sure it was tugged down over her wrist.

"Hey," she said softly when Lane reached her. She was greeted with a bright smile.

"Where have you been?"

She winced and slid her nail under her sleeve and across one of her scars, sighing quietly.

"Hanging out with Jess, mostly. I wanted to call you, I just…" Rory trailed off. Lane frowned a little and nodded.

"I understand. I think. I mean, I was worried about you, but I get it."

They made their way over to the gazebo and sat down, neither saying a word. Finally Lane sighed and broke the silence.

"Are your grandparents still making you go to therapy?"

The honesty of the question caught her off-guard, and she hesitated.

"No, not-not technically." Lane nodded.

"Have things been any…better?"

Rory considered the question for a moment. She continued to fidget with her sleeve, biting her lip nervously and looking at anything but her friend before answering with a quiet, "Yeah."

Lane smiled encouragingly and hugged her friend. Rory returned the gesture.

"Tell Jess I said thanks next time you see him. I missed you," Lane smiled again. Rory closed her eyes for a moment and nodded.

"I missed you too."

XXXXXXXXXXX

He switched the sign on the door to 'closed' and sighed, turning towards his nephew. They'd been arguing for the past hour, giving the last lingering customers of the night a reason to leave.

"Luke, these things take time."

"I get that, but you've been around her for a month."

"And in that month she's made more progress than I could've even hoped for!" Jess argued, tossing his rag onto the counter.

"She's still just as detached as she was before you showed up here, Jess. You promised me you would help her," the older man growled.

Jess rolled his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, not hearing the tiny jingle bell above the door or noticing the young woman who walked into the diner as he spoke.

"I'm doing my best, Uncle Luke," he spat, "But I can't force Rory into telling her mom every single detail of her problems, no matter what it is that you seem to think. I can't force her to let me help her."

"Oh my God," he heard someone mutter. His eyes shot up and locked onto deep blue.

"Rory-"

"No, Jess. Just…don't," she managed to whisper before running out of the diner.

"Thanks, Luke," he deadpanned as he ran after her.

The older man watched as his nephew ran after the girl they'd just been arguing about, sighing to himself. He shouldn't have pushed. He turned away from the window and continued to clean up.

Jess jogged down the sidewalk, trying desperately to catch up with her.

"Rory!"

She didn't stop, just continued to walk down the street with her arms folded across her chest and tears making rivers down her cheeks. The salt began to seep into the corner of her mouth, but she didn't care.

He was just like the rest of them. He wanted to "help" her. It made her sick to think about how much she'd revealed to him, how much she'd come to trust him and care about him in the past month.

"God," she muttered to herself, gasping when she felt him grab her shoulder and turn her around.

"Get away from me," she said in a low voice. She turned to walk away again but he grabbed her shoulder again.

"Let me explain."

A strangled sob escaped her throat and she shook her head vigorously, pawing at her face to make the tears stop flowing.

"What is there to explain? You know, I really thought you were different," she snapped, pushing her hair out of her face.

"Rory," he said softly, stepping closer. She took a step back. He sighed. "Rory, don't push me away now."

"Why shouldn't I?" she whispered brokenly, sinking against the wall she was standing next to. Jess sighed and stepped closer to her, relieved when she didn't pull back again.

"I don't want to fix things. Luke asked me to help you when he found out why I was coming here, but-"

Rory froze.

"Luke asked you to help me?"

Jess sighed and nodded weakly.

"So if he hadn't asked you to help me, you wouldn't have ever spoken to me."

He looked up at her and cringed when he saw the icy color of her eyes.

"Yes, I would have," he said quietly.

She didn't hear him. Her mind was racing. The past month had been based on the request of the one person who had assured her that she wasn't crazy. The one person that had assured her she didn't need therapy; didn't need someone to help her analyze her problems. It was all a lie. All of it. She bit back another sob.

She came back to the moment when she felt him take her hand in his own, intertwining their fingers. She shook her head and yanked her hand back.

"Don't touch me."

Jess' breath caught in his throat. She sounded so distant; out of reach. He didn't think he'd ever hear her take on that tone. Everything inside of him screamed for him to make her understand, to tell her what he was thinking.

But for some reason the words wouldn't come. He watched in horror as she walked away from him. This whole interaction was something he hoped he'd never have to experience with her.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"That's right, Dad, we pulled her out of therapy."

Lorelai heard the front door open and close and looked over the back of the couch.

"It doesn't matter what you think she needs…"

Her brow furrowed. Rory's cheeks were tear-stained, her lips pale, her eyes dark and cloudy. She watched as her daughter made her way into her bedroom, her hand never leaving her wrist.

"Dad, I have to go," she hung up numbly and followed her daughter.

"Rory?"

The younger Gilmore looked up at the voice but didn't acknowledge it otherwise. She sat down on the edge of her bed and ran a hand through her hair, not even noticing when her sleeve slid down her arm and revealed her wrist to prying eyes.

"Rory? Sweets? Talk to me, here, I thought you were going to see Jess," Lorelai coaxed, confused.

Rory visibly tensed at the mention of his name and bit her lip: hard.

"Me, too," she said distantly. Lorelai inwardly shivered.

"Do you want to talk?"

She shook her head.

The air left her lungs when she saw the little sliver of red on her daughter's bottom lip.

"Honey, let up on the chewing there," she said softly, moving further into the room.

Tears began to pour from Rory's eyes again and she reached up to touch her bottom lip, drawing her hand back and staring blankly at the spot of red that was on her finger.

"It was supposed to hurt more," she whispered.

Lorelai closed her eyes and fought back tears of her own. Then she turned and left the house, headed in the one direction she could get some answers.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Lorelai, what-?"

"Where the hell is Jess?"

Luke stared blankly at her for a moment.

"He went to the bridge, he-"

He didn't get to finish. She'd stormed off in the direction of the bridge.

XXXXXXXXXXX

She stopped at the end of the bridge, staring at the form that sat in the center of it, his legs dangling over the edge. She sighed and continued walking toward him.

He moved over and allowed her to sit next to him.

"What happened?"

Jess didn't respond, just dropped his eyes to his lap. She noticed the depressed expression he held.

"Jess? Tell me what happened," she said, more gently. He sighed.

"She overheard Luke and me fighting."

The distant tone of his voice reminded her eerily of Rory's.

"She found out that he had asked me to help her…she thinks I'm just like everyone else," he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

Lorelai watched him struggle with the words, fighting to hold his indifferent expression.

"Talk to her," she heard herself say. His eyes shot up to meet hers. She nodded.

"She won't listen to me."

"Jess, if you care about her, you'll talk to her."

He didn't respond for a few moments, but gave her a nod eventually.

He had to convince her that she meant more to him than a pity case; after their first "conversation" in the diner the first day he showed up, she'd meant so much more. Luke's request had fallen so far out of his mind in the past month that he hadn't even recalled promising to help her until tonight, when his uncle had brought it up. He cared about her. He loved the feeling he got when he was with her; it scared him to see her like she was tonight. She was the first person he had ever come to trust; to understand and be understood by. He could easily say he was falling for her.

Now the trick was getting her to believe him…and not scare her away.


	7. Professional

Her eyes snapped open only to close again from the brightness of the room. She took a moment before opening them again, slowly this time. The entire room was white. There was a large painting of flowers on the wall across from her and she realized she was horizontal.

Things slowly started to snap into place as the fog cleared out of her head. Her eyes shot down to her arm and she winced. They'd given her a cast. She felt like she could be sick.

It wasn't supposed to happen that way, honest. She made a tiny knick in her wrist to ease the pain a little. It didn't give her the relief she craved so she pushed a little deeper and tugged a little harder.

After that things got a little fuzzy. She remembered the thick trails of crimson and the sharp twinge of pain when she'd slunk down the wall of the bathroom and smacked her elbow on the cool tile floor. Her mother's voice filtered into her mind for a moment but didn't hold any real significance.

Things were black from there. Now they were white, though. She cringed and lifted her arm in the air to inspect her cast. At least it was black. That gave her a little something to hold onto.

"I knew this was going to happen!"

Her eyes shot to the door and she inwardly groaned when she recognized the voice.

"I'm not putting her in an institution, mom, so forget it."

"Lorelai, this is your daughter!"

"I'm well aware!"

"Richard can't even look at her anymore, she is not herself!"

"I'm aware of that, too. That doesn't mean you get to throw her into a mental institution to discuss her 'issues' with crazy people. She will _not_ be committed."

"How did this happen? You told me she was doing better, Lorelai, you lied to me!"

The walls did little to muffle the argument. She sighed and picked at her hospital gown, glancing at the clock on the wall by the door.

She idly thought that the other patients wouldn't much appreciate being woken at four in the morning.

XXXXXXXXX

Her hand felt warm. A light orange film filled her vision and she furrowed her brow a little. She knew that warmth.

"Jess?"

The bed sheets rustled and she felt something being lifted off the side of the bed. He squeezed her hand and her eyes fluttered open. Her teeth instinctively latched onto her bottom lip but she inhaled sharply and let it go. She'd forgotten about the cut she'd given herself the night before.

"Hey," he breathed. She closed her eyes for another second before looking at him. He looked tired.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily, reaching up with her cast-wrapped hand to rub her eyes.

"Noon."

Rory paused in her actions and dropped her arm back onto her chest, then stared at him for a moment.

"What are you doing here?"

Jess shivered and closed his eyes. The detached tone from the night before was back and accompanied with a new venom he'd never heard.

"I could ask you the same thing, but I think I already know the answer."

She glared at him. "You have no right to be here," she said quietly, pulling her hand from his and tucking it under her other arm.

"You are not a project, Ror."

She traced the seams of her cast and trailed the movements with her eyes.

"Do you remember the first time we spoke, that day in the diner when you asked me my name?"

She nodded a little but didn't look up.

"That was the only time that Luke asked me to try and talk to you," he said honestly. Her finger stopped its pattern and she swallowed audibly. "The past month has been me. Me and you and nothing else," he continued, "Not Luke, not your mom, just you. I care about you Rory, and I trust you. You're the first person I've ever felt so comfortable talking to."

She took a deep breath before looking up at him. The honesty in his eyes scared her.

"I'm not a project?"

"You're not a project."

She seemed to consider this for a moment, searching his eyes for any sign of dishonesty. Her eyes snapped shut a moment and she sighed quietly.

"Ok," she whispered, slipping her hand back into his. He smirked.

XXXXXXXXX

She leaned against the doorframe and smiled a little. They'd somehow managed to make enough room for the two of them in the small bed, and she was curled up on his chest.

The smile faded and she winced when she saw the cast covering her daughter's arm.

"Is that him?"

She turned and nodded. Christopher sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Lor…" he trailed off. Lorelai sighed and closed the door, leaning against it and staring at him for a moment.

"We caused this," she said finally. He closed his eyes for a second.

"We aren't the only factors here, Lor."

"I don't care how many factors there are. My daughter is lying in there because she nearly bled to death of her own volition last night, and she wouldn't even have this sick fascination with metal if it weren't for me."

"What about Dean? Chilton? Emily, Richard? She hit her wit's end and she handled it the wrong way."

"A year, Christopher! Almost a year and I never even noticed," Lorelai snapped, fighting to control the tears in her eyes.

"No one did; you cannot blame yourself for this," he said softly, moving to draw her into his arms. She sighed into his shoulder and shook her head.

"She said she didn't want to be fixed, just understood," she whispered. After a beat, "Jess understands her more than I could ever hope to."

Christopher sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

XXXXXXXXX

"Your grandmother was here this morning," he said quietly. She sighed and pressed her face into his shoulder. "She wants to have you committed."

Rory didn't respond for a few moments, just focused on the dull thud of his heartbeat. The pain in her wrist was falling to the center of her attention when she finally spoke.

"I'm not crazy."

Jess kissed the top of her head and sighed into her hair. "I know," he whispered, running his hand up and down her back lightly. She shivered a little and he pulled her closer.

"She thinks I'm crazy."

"I know."

"She doesn't understand."

"Would you expect her to?"

"No," she said quietly, looking up at him. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Your mom wouldn't put you in an institution. There's no way."

"I know, I just…"

"What?"

Rory huffed in frustration and looked at her cast. "I just want it all to go away."

"It's not that easy," he muttered.

"I know! God, Jess, you have no idea how much I know that it isn't that easy. It's _never_ that easy, it's never simple or happy or bright."

"It's all dark," he replied. She nodded and sniffled a little.

"I'm so tired of the numb feeling," Rory sighed, defeated.

"What about the pain?"

She looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

"What about the pain, are you tired of it?" he asked again, searching her eyes.

"I…"

Jess stared at her and waited for her answer.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. He nodded.

"Me either."

XXXXXXXXX

He sighed and leaned against the wall, shivering when the cold cement hit the bare backs of his arms.

"No, she can't talk right now."

"What do you mean she can't talk right now? Christopher, put Lorelai on this instant."

"I can't do that, Emily," Christopher sighed and ran a hand over his face as the high-pitched voice of Emily Gilmore filtered through the phone.

"Why not?"

"She can't handle it right now," he answered honestly, "She's trying to figure out how to approach Rory about going back to therapy. She doesn't need you giving her suggestions."

"That is ridiculous!" He chuckled lightly.

"Then it is; I'm sorry." She huffed.

"I still stand by letting Rory spend a few months away from everything."

"Padded walls and straitjackets are only going to make it worse, Emily."

"How can you say that? She needs professional help!"

Lorelai walked through the double doors and sighed, taking the phone from her ex.

"Mom?"

"Lorelai, thank God. Have you come to a decision yet?"

"Yeah, mom, I have," she said softly. "I'm going to discuss this with Rory and see where we end up."

Her mother started shrieking into the receiver but she hung up and smiled weakly at Christopher.

"She isn't going to be pleased."

"This is for her own good."

"She has Jess."

"She needs a professional."

"I'm not so sure."

"Lor."

She sighed.

"Let's go," she whispered, grabbing his hand and walking back inside.


	8. Dependent

She stared blankly at the two people sitting in front of her. Then she bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head, adopting the familiar feeling of numbness she'd grown so accustomed to in the past year.

"No."

Her mother sighed and took her hand but she yanked it back and wrapped it around her cast, glaring at her father. He looked like he wasn't sure what to do and she wanted to laugh. He didn't know. He couldn't. He'd just shown up because her mother had called him in a panic when their daughter was suddenly in the hospital.

"Rory…"

"Don't talk to me," she snapped. He bit his lip and looked at the woman next to him. Lorelai was crying silently.

"I'm not going back to therapy," she said. Her voice was quiet but firm. Lorelai shook her head and wiped her tears away.

"Rory, I'm beginning to agree with your grandmother. Look around you! You're in a _hospital_ because you nearly _bled_ to death," she cried. Rory sighed and fingered the sticker on her cast. Jess had stuck it there before he'd left. She smiled a little at the tiny image of Emily the Strange.

"Sweetie, we need to get you some help," Christopher said softly. Her eyes shot up and she glared at him.

"This doesn't concern you."

"What? You're my daughter, of course it concerns me!"

"Convenient how you always manage to use that excuse," she said softly while returning her eyes to her cast.

Lorelai gripped the arm of the chair and bit her lip.

"I'm not going back to therapy," she repeated.

"You need professional help."

She let her eyes trace over the table in the corner. It was slightly lopsided. One of the legs was missing the tiny little pad that was stuck to the bottom of the other three. She wondered how it could hold the vase that sat in the center of it.

"Rory."

She traced the sticker on her cast and continued to look at the table. The flowers in the vase were obviously fake. It was annoying her for some reason.

"Rory!"

She moved her eyes from the corner and looked down at her cast. She smiled again.

"_Here," Jess said quietly as he held her arm and attached the sticker to her cast, "Something to look at when you're bored."_

_She kept her eyes on his fingers as they moved and she nodded. He kissed her forehead and slid off the bed, slipping past her parents as he left the room. She continued to stare at the sticker._

"Stay with me, babe," Lorelai said quietly. Rory sighed.

"My answer is no."

Christopher reached for Lorelai's hand and she let him hold it, sighing quietly.

"I need you to think about this. It might be able to help you."

She didn't respond.

XXXXXXXXX

She walked into the diner and allowed the familiar food smell fill her senses. Chris had promised he'd call her if anything happened so that she could go to the diner and get a caffeine fix. She was in desperate need of something other than the watery substance they claimed was coffee in the cafeteria.

"Coffee," Lorelai said tiredly when she sat down at the counter. Luke poured her a cup without saying a word and her eyes skimmed the room for Jess.

"He went back to the hospital."

"Oh."

She fingered the handle on the mug and sighed. "She refuses to go back to therapy."

"I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to talk to some strange old woman about my problems either."

Lorelai looked up at him and furrowed her brow.

"How can you tell me that?"

He sighed but didn't say anything.

"Luke, she needs help."

"She doesn't need some strange old woman telling her what's wrong with her."

"You know, you promised me that Jess would help her and oh! Look! He made the problem worse," she said angrily. Luke looked up at her.

"Lorelai, tell me, who was it that was there for her when she nearly lost control and broke down? Huh? I believe it was my nephew. But, of course, my memory could be slipping," he rolled his eyes.

"Who was it that made her finally lose control?"

"That wasn't Jess' fault."

"Whose was it, then?"

"Damnit, it was mine!" he shouted. Her eyes widened. "I pushed Jess to talk about it and she walked in on the argument."

Lorelai shook her head and tossed a couple dollars onto the counter. She left without another word.

XXXXXXXXX

She was tracing the cracks in the ceiling with her eyes when he walked into the room. He leaned against the doorframe and watched her for a few moments. Then he noticed the red surrounding her eyes.

"Your dad's still here."

She didn't look over at him but he heard her sigh. He moved further into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, pushing some hair out of her face.

"He shouldn't be here."

He nodded.

"But he is and he somehow thinks he has a say in this," she whispered. Her eyes welled with a fresh batch of tears and he nudged her so that he could lie down next to her. She moved over and rested her head on his chest when he did. He wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't need therapy," she continued, "I don't need that judgmental old woman to tell me what's wrong with me."

"No, you don't," Jess agreed quietly. Rory sniffled a little and closed her eyes.

"I hate him sometimes."

He rubbed her back and closed his eyes.

XXXXXXXXX

He winced when he heard what she said. He hadn't intended to eavesdrop, but when he heard them talking he couldn't help but pause outside the door. Now he was regretting it.

He ran a hand through his hair and fought back tears of his own when he heard the broken tone of voice she had. Her words cut through him.

A nurse asked him if he needed any assistance and he shook his head, smiling politely at her before turning and going back into the waiting room. His eyes locked with Lorelai's and he smiled sadly.

"Did you talk to her?"

Christopher sighed as he sat down next to his ex and shook his head.

"She's with that boy."

Lorelai nodded and smiled a little, "I figured she would be."

"Who is he?"

"Luke's nephew."

"Are they…"

"Together?" He nodded. "No," she shook her head. He sighed again.

"They looked pretty cozy."

"I think she likes him, but…I think she's scared."

"You think he can help her?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "I do."

Christopher considered this for a moment, pushing his hands through his hair and looking at the ground.

"Ok."

Lorelai smiled a little but frowned when her cell phone rang. She tugged it out of her purse and rolled her eyes at the number but answered it anyway.

"Hi, mom."

"Do you know how incredibly rude it is to hang up on your mother and then proceed to turn your cell phone off?"

"I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Did you talk to Rory?" Emily asked impatiently. Lorelai closed her eyes.

"She doesn't want to go to therapy," she said quietly.

"I don't care what she wants, she _needs_ professional help! Listen to me, Lorelai."

"I'm listening," she sighed.

"Alyssa suggested some wonderful little facilities that would be more than willing to help her."

"Mom, I am not sending her to a facility. Or an institution. Or anywhere."

"Richard hasn't said a word to me all day. You and Christopher are refusing to cooperate with me; Rory is too unstable to make this decision. You are her mother, Lorelai, and you need to realize that and do what's right for her."

"I'll be the judge of what's right for my daughter, mom."

Silence filled the line and Lorelai hung up. She turned her phone off and tossed it into her purse before sinking into the uncomfortable chair.

XXXXXXXXX

His eyes fluttered open when he felt her breath against his neck. Looking at the clock, he realized he must have fallen asleep. He'd been here for two hours now. Visiting hours would be ending in an hour. He ran a hand over his eyes and looked down at the girl in his arms. She looked so young and so upset that he couldn't help but rub her back as he continued to watch her.

Her eyes shot back and forth underneath her lids, as though she was caught in a dream, but her brow was furrowed and she murmured every couple seconds. Her hand was clutching tightly at his t-shirt and Jess shook her a little to wake her up.

"Rory," he murmured in her ear, "Wake up."

Rory turned her face into his shoulder and clutched his shirt even tighter, so he whispered her name again. She mumbled something unintelligible but he continued to say her name until she turned her head and opened her eyes.

It only took her a second to close them again. He rolled his eyes.

"Time to wake up, Ror."

"I don't want to," she mumbled. He noticed the slight wetness of her eyes and the thick sound of her voice and he grew concerned in a matter of seconds.

"What'd you dream about?" he whispered. She tensed up a little and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

A few moments of silence passed between them as Rory allowed herself to relax against him again.

"My dad," she said quietly. Jess didn't say anything and she sighed. "I was living with him and it was my mom that was never around."

Rory swallowed thickly and paused while she considered how to explain it.

"But he was such a jerk, and he treated me so badly that I ran away to find my mom but when I did he was there, and they were together, and it felt like the bottom dropped out of my stomach," she continued. Her voice was soft and timid and Jess bit the inside of his lip but stayed silent. "That's sort of how it felt when they walked in here earlier."

"I just don't understand why my mom is being so … dependent on him," she said as she looked up at him. Jess locked eyes with her and moved his hand to intertwine their fingers.

"I think she's scared."

"I don't want him here."

"She needs something familiar."

"How can he be familiar when he's never around?"

Jess sighed and rested his forehead against hers. "Familiar for Lorelai is different than it is for you." She nodded.

Neither of them heard the door shut quietly. Neither of them saw the tears that her mother was crying silently out in the hall.

If they had, the comfortable silence that ensued after their conversation probably wouldn't have taken place.


	9. He Left

A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews. I really truly appreciate getting to hear your opinions; I never expected to get such a positive response out of this story.

The next chapter is going to take a little while to write, because I need to figure out exactly how I want to do it. I know where I'm going with this; I just need a little time to work out the wording.

And for anyone who's wondering, Lane will play a much bigger role in upcoming chapters. I know she's only been in one scene so far, and it was very, very brief, but she does have an important part to play. Just be patient.

XXXXXXXXX

She watched her daughter watch the ceiling. Her blue eyes traced the lines in the plaster and her fingers toyed with the sticker that resided on her cast. She averted her eyes and held back tears for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

"You shouldn't have been eavesdropping," Rory said quietly. Lorelai sighed.

"You're right; but I did."

"I only told the truth."

Lorelai swallowed thickly and ran a hand through her hair. She sighed deeply.

"He's your father, Ror."

"Only by blood," she returned, glancing sidelong at her mother. Her fingers still toyed with her cast.

Lorelai shook her head, "He wants to be there for you."

"When it's convenient."

"He loves you."

"So I've been told."

"Why does this have to be so difficult?"

Rory contemplated the question, returning her gaze to the ceiling. She'd been lying in the same bed for two days, arguing with her mother and being poked at by doctors and nurses. It was really rather irritating.

"If it were easy, we wouldn't be in this room."

The older woman walked out without another word.

XXXXXXXXX

She stopped when she reached the waiting room. Two people sat next to each other, speaking in hushed voices. She rolled her eyes and walked over to them, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she stood in front of them. They both stopped talking and looked up at her.

"Leave."

"Lorelai-"

"No. She won't talk to you; leave."

Emily's mouth became a thin line and she stood.

"I feel I have the right to visit my granddaughter in the hospital," she said tersely. Lorelai shook her head.

"No, mom, you don't. You're going to go in there and convince her to go to therapy and she'll never speak to either of us again."

The two women locked eyes and Emily sighed deeply.

"You cannot fix this by yourself, Lorelai."

"You can't help."

"I beg to differ."

"Too bad; you're not going in there. End of discussion."

Christopher stood and pulled Lorelai away from her mother for a moment, gripping her upper arm tightly.

"Let her do this," he whispered in her ear. Lorelai's eyes widened and she jerked away from him.

"This is _my_ daughter, Christopher!"

"She's my kid too, you know."

She stared at him. His tone had changed.

"She said something to you," she said quietly. Christopher closed his eyes for a second.

"No, she didn't."

"You heard something? Because really, Chris-"

"She hates me."

Lorelai stopped talking and stared blankly at him.

"My own daughter hates me."

"She doesn't ha-"

"She told Jess she does," he sighed. Lorelai bit her lip.

When she turned around, Emily was gone.

XXXXXXXXX

She ignored the tapping at the door. She closed her eyes and sighed, sinking further into the thin mattress. The tapping continued and she groaned.

"Rory, are you awake?"

Rory kept her eyes closed. She wasn't particularly in the mood for this today.

"Come in," she sighed. The door opened softly and closed in the same manner. She still didn't open her eyes, but heard her grandmother sit down in the chair next to her bed. Neither spoke for a while.

"How are you feeling?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she stared at the ceiling. She shrugged. Emily sighed.

"I spoke to Alyssa yesterday."

Rory bit her lip, ignoring the searing pain that shot through her.

"She said she'd love to speak to you again."

She still didn't respond, but she let go of her lip.

"You know, there are dozens of places we could take you to."

"I'm not going back to therapy."

Emily stared at her granddaughter. "You need help, Rory," she said firmly. Rory laughed bitterly and shook her head.

"I do not need therapy," she said quietly. Emily huffed.

"We have got to get you to stop this, Rory, you are in the hospital!"

She remained silent, tracing the contours of the table in the corner. The flowers were still annoying her.

"I don't understand."

"There's no way you could."

Emily turned toward the voice. Rory just smiled.

"Who are you?" Emily questioned. Jess smirked.

"Nobody," he said easily. Her gaze returned to her granddaughter. She did a double-take. Rory had a tiny smile on her face. She looked back at the boy in the doorframe and sighed.

"We'll finish this discussion later," she said quietly, brushing past Jess on her way out of the room. He closed the door and moved over to the bed.

A comfortable silence settled over the room for a moment before she sighed and looked up at him. Her smile was gone.

"It's still dark," she whispered. He nodded.

XXXXXXXXX

She just watched as he continued to pack his duffel bag. Nothing could be said. He zipped up the bag and looked up at her. Their eyes locked.

"I'll call," he said quietly. Lorelai nodded a little.

Christopher threw his bag over his shoulder and hugged her. She held on for a minute and then let him go. He walked past her and out the front door.

She sank down onto the couch and swallowed back her tears.

XXXXXXXXX

He ran his hand through her hair and she shivered involuntarily. She scooted closer to him and he smirked softly.

"I didn't want her to hear that."

"I know," he whispered. She sighed and shook her head.

"And my grandma…" she trailed off. Jess closed his eyes and intertwined their fingers.

Rory glanced at the door when she heard it open. Her eyes misted over a little when her mother walked into the room.

"Hey," Lorelai said quietly. Rory smiled weakly. Jess opened his eyes and moved to get up but Lorelai held a hand up. "It's fine," she smiled at him. He nodded and settled back into his position. Rory bit the inside of her lip and watched her mother sit down.

"Christopher left."

Rory froze. Jess tightened his grip on her.

"I…"

"He overheard you last night."

The younger girl closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"He promised to call," Lorelai whispered. Rory nodded against Jess' chest and locked eyes with her mother.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Lorelai nodded.

"Me too."

Silence descended over the room. Rory focused her attention on Jess' heartbeat and Lorelai watched the way he rubbed her daughter's back gently, his other hand intertwined with hers. The older woman bit her lip gently and smiled a little.


	10. Welcome Back

The door closed with a slam and she shivered a little, noticing the gray hue the storm clouds had given the yard. Her eyes came to rest on the front steps and she bit her lip, absentmindedly grabbing her cast-covered arm with her other hand. Her mother smiled at the figure sitting on the porch before going inside, and she swallowed thickly.

They locked eyes and she let her lip go as she slowly walked toward her friend.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey."

A heavy silence filled the air and Rory sighed deeply, sitting down.

"I wanted to visit but Mama wouldn't let me," Lane said awkwardly. Rory nodded a little and picked at the wood.

Silence descended upon the two again. After a few moments they both sighed a little.

"I didn't think they'd make me stay for a week," Rory whispered. Lane started a little from the sudden noise but nodded.

"It's a long time," she agreed. She paused. "Are you um…are you going back to therapy?"

Rory shifted uncomfortably and kept her eyes on the ground.

"No."

"Oh."

"I just…don't want someone to tell me what's wrong with me."

"Understandable."

"I'm not crazy."

"I know."

"They think I am."

"I know."

Her eyes misted over a little and she looked up at her friend. Lane returned her gaze. The Korean girl sighed, hugging her as she whispered, "But I think you need to talk to someone."

Rory winced and pulled away from her friend, shaking her head and wiping away the few tears that had fallen from her eyes. Her teeth latched onto her lip and she fidgeted with her cast, unable to meet Lane's gaze.

XXXXXXXXX

The bell above the door rang and he glanced up, frowning a little when he didn't recognize the person. He returned to his book and didn't bother to look up the next time the sound filled his ears.

"Hi."

He glanced up and smirked softly when he saw her. "Hey," he returned softly.

She sat at the counter across from him and quietly asked for coffee, which he willingly gave her.

Rory jumped a little when an older man appeared next to her, bombarding her with questions. She traced the rim of her coffee mug and kept her gaze on the dark liquid, occasionally nodding or shaking her head as he spoke and Jess rolled his eyes.

"Taylor, just leave her alone."

"Young man, it is my duty as-"

"She told you she's fine. Go."

Taylor glared at him but sighed deeply and nodded, seemingly accepting what Jess had said. He left a moment later and she gave him a small but grateful smile.

"If he comes back, let me know," he smirked and walked over to serve a new customer.

Rory watched him for a second before returning to her coffee. She glanced up when Luke came out from the kitchen and he paused. He blinked a couple times before walking closer to her and giving her a small smile.

She got up from her stool and walked around the corner, throwing her arms around his neck and he froze, unsure of what to do. She sniffled a little and pulled back, biting her lip.

"Thank you," she whispered. Luke stared blankly at her and she elaborated, "For bringing him here."

He smirked and watched as she left the diner, ignoring the rain that was pelting the sidewalks. His glance traveled to his nephew, who had stopped in the middle of writing down someone's order to do the same. The two men locked eyes and he nodded slightly. Jess smirked and left the diner a moment later. Luke shook his head lightly and returned to the kitchen.

XXXXXXXXX

She looked down when she felt someone's fingers intertwine with her own. Her eyes shot up to meet his as they walked down the sidewalk and she smiled a little. He returned the gesture and squeezed her hand, walking closer to her.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while before she sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Lane thinks I should go to therapy," she said quietly. He almost didn't hear her over the rain but he nodded a little. "She's still really upset with me for not telling her about…" she trailed off and sighed.

"She's probably scared," he muttered. Rory nodded a little and shivered. Jess tugged her closer and wrapped an arm around her. "Cold?" She nodded. He noticed how soaked the two of them had become and steered her in the direction of her house.

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting at her kitchen table drinking tea. Rory had changed into dry clothes and offered Jess a blanket but he'd declined. She idly fingered the handle of her mug, sighing a little.

"I hate that I'm worrying everyone so much," she whispered. Jess glanced up at her. "School starts back up in two weeks, and here I am being released from the hospital with a cast on my arm," she sighed. "This isn't how it's supposed to be."

"You can't be perfect, Ror," he said softly. She locked eyes with him and bit her lip gently. "You're going to get past this. It just might take a little longer than you'd like."

And then her arms were around his neck. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, standing up so that he could hug her more easily. She buried her head in his shoulder and whispered a soft "Thank you."

He rubbed her back and tugged her closer.

XXXXXXXXX

She stood on the front porch, wringing her hands. She'd been doing that for nearly ten minutes now.

Lane groaned softly and knocked on the door, making her decision.

She waited as she heard footsteps in the front hall and then watched the door open. The person on the other side of it surprised her.

"Jess?"

"Hey, Lane," he returned, stepping aside to let her in. She eyed him warily but went inside, turning towards him as he shut the door.

"Why are _you_ answering the door?"

Jess jerked a thumb toward the living room, "She fell asleep," he said softly. The Korean nodded a little and lowered her voice.

"I should go…"

"As soon as she hears us talking she'll probably wake up. She's not the soundest sleeper," he sighed. The tone of his voice hadn't changed, however, and she felt her heart ache a little at the tender way he talked about her friend.

"You really care about her," she whispered. He shrugged. She sighed, "Don't do that 'I don't care' thing, Jess. Admit it."

Jess contemplated his response for a moment. "I…" he paused, "Yeah," he sighed, "I do."

She sighed heavily. "I think she just needs someone who understands," she whispered.

"I agree."

"She's not going to find that in a therapist, is she?"

"No," he shook his head gently, "I don't think she is."

She nodded and brushed past him. She paused with her hand on the doorknob. "You're good for her," she said quietly. He didn't turn around but she knew he heard her. Without another word she opened the door and left, closing it soundlessly behind her.

"I hope so," he breathed.

"What do you hope?"

His eyes shot up and locked onto hazy blue. He smirked softly, "I thought you were sleeping."

"I heard voices. Was that Lane?" she asked quietly, wrapping her arms around herself. He nodded. She sighed and he walked a little closer to her.

Looking up at him, she offered him a tiny smile and gently wrapped her arms around his neck, closing her eyes as he pulled her closer. She didn't pull away when she heard the door open softly, but she felt his grasp loosen a little when her mother walked into the room. Her eyes fluttered open and Lorelai smiled at her.

"Hi," she whispered. Rory sighed quietly and pulled away from him.

"Hey," she returned quietly. Jess gave a little nod to Lorelai and looked back at the younger Gilmore. Their eyes locked and neither moved for a minute.

"I'm going to order dinner," Lorelai said quickly, making her way into the kitchen. The two teenagers continued to stare at each other. Rory shivered a little. The atmosphere was different, somehow.

"I should go," he said softly, fingering the sticker on her cast. She nodded and looked down at his hand. He sighed and lifted her chin with his other hand to place a chaste kiss on her forehead.

She moved and their lips met briefly. He pulled back almost instantly, his eyes questioning. She shook her head and kissed his cheek.

"Lane wasn't lying," she whispered in his ear. He swallowed thickly and watched her walk down the short hallway into the kitchen. A moment later he left and Rory allowed herself to smile when she heard the door close.

"You look happy," Lorelai said softly. Rory jumped a little and turned towards her mother.

"You scared me."

"You're smiling."

The younger Gilmore didn't have a response to this except to blush lightly and fidget with her cast. Lorelai sighed quietly and walked over to her daughter, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Mom?"

"What, sweets?"

She sighed deeply and pulled away from her mother to look at her. "I like Jess," she said softly. Lorelai smiled. "And…I want to go back to therapy," she whispered.

The older Gilmore simply hugged her again. She ignored the tears that were quickly gathering in her eyes and laughed lightly. "Welcome back, baby," she whispered. Rory hugged her tighter and cried quietly into her shoulder. Outside, the rain was falling steadily.


	11. Moments

A/N: I've had pieces of this chapter written for quite a while, now: that includes the end of it. I appreciate the reviews I've been getting so, so much, and today when I got home I was completely stressed out and irritated and then I read your reviews and I felt a lot better.

It's amazing to know that y'all like this story so much, because I'm trying really hard to write it honestly. It's difficult to write some of Rory's scenes because I'm essentially writing out pieces of my diary. It's scary to try and think about how you might react, and so far the reactions have been really positive. That means a lot to me.

Now, about the story. I'm not sure how many chapters this is going to end up being. It just depends on how many it's going to take me to tell the story. I have a lot more to do with this, and I only hope that none of you lose interest. This chapter starts to incorporate Paris and her involvement, and she is going to play an important role later on. As I said a couple of chapters ago, Lane has a lot to do as well, and there are so many aspects to this that need to be developed within subplots.

So, enjoy the chapter and leave me a review (please!). I love to hear your thoughts. What you liked, what you didn't like, what you have questions about. (That's my not-so-subtle hinting to leave me a good long review.)

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She groaned quietly and tugged on the zipper of her backpack again. She was running late and it wouldn't close, only adding to her frustrations that morning. Tears came to her eyes when the tiny clasp of metal slipped out of her fingers again and she sighed, wiping her face harshly and rolling her wrist around in her hand.

It felt good to be able to wrap her hand around her skin again. The cast had come off only two days ago and the first thing she'd done was roll her wrist over and over again. Her scars were fading slowly, but in some ways that made it a little easier.

She had less to explain that way.

"Mom!"

A moment later her mother came sliding into the kitchen, still brushing her hair.

"What? What happened?"

She sighed heavily and wiped at the new tears that were starting to fall, pointing helplessly at her backpack.

"I'm late and it won't zip," she said softly. Lorelai gave her a sympathetic look and walked over to the table, tugging a couple of books out of the yellow bag. After the third one, she managed to zip it up with ease and turned toward her daughter.

"You had too many books in it," she smiled. Rory sighed and took her backpack from her mom, hugging her quickly.

"Thank you," she smiled a little. The older Gilmore nodded.

"Not a problem. We have dinner with your grandparents tonight," she winced a little. Rory sighed but nodded.

"I know."

"We don't have to go; I can come up with another excuse."

"We haven't been in three weeks, and we promised them we'd be there tonight," she whispered.

"They're not angry with you, sweets."

"I know," Rory said softly. She shook her head and adjusted the straps of her bag, sighing a little as she headed towards the door.

Lorelai sighed heavily when she heard the door close. She'd promised Rory that they'd face her parents together. The fact that she was opening up to her again was enough to make her do anything to keep it that way.

_She gently opened her daughter's bedroom door and watched her sleep for a moment. She was lying on her side, a mildly content expression on her face. She smiled and crept into the room, sinking down on the edge of the bed and pushing some hair out of the younger girl's face._

_Rory stirred and crinkled her brow. Her hand subconsciously flew to her cast and she opened her eyes slowly, blinking up at her mother._

"_What time is it?" she whispered, scooting over so Lorelai could lie next to her. The older Gilmore bit her lip a little and smiled, tucking herself in next to her daughter. They hadn't done this in months. _

"_Almost six," she whispered. Her daughter sighed heavily and sunk further into the mattress. "But I wanted to talk to you."_

_A heavy silence settled over the room and Lorelai turned her head to the side. Rory's eyes were glued to the ceiling and she was tugging lightly on her cast._

"_Talk," she whispered._

"_Why do you want to go back?"_

_Another silence; it lasted longer than the last one._

"_Sweets, tell me."_

_The younger woman sighed heavily and bit her lip. "I…it's just…" she huffed quietly and paused to gather her thoughts. "Everyone's so concerned, and they all want me to go on some level, and I've always listened to them before and-"_

"_Do you want to go back?"_

_Rory looked at her mother and locked eyes with her. She bit her lip again and slowly shook her head, letting her eyes snap shut for a moment. When she opened them again they were quickly filling with tears._

"_I'm just tired of worrying everyone," she said quietly._

_Her mother pulled her into her arms and kissed the top of her head. "Give it time, sweets."_

"_It's hard."_

"_I know. But you can't do something that isn't going to help you just because everyone else wants you to."_

_She contemplated this for a moment before nodding a little and sighing again._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_For what?"_

"_Everything."_

_Another silence filled the room while the two slowly fell back to sleep, ignoring the sun that was slowly creeping into the room._

She sighed again and went back upstairs to finish getting ready for work.

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She kept her head down as she left her last class. Her wrist was clasped firmly in her hand and her eyes remained glued to her shoes. She jumped when she felt someone walk up next to her and glanced up.

"Gilmore."

She sighed heavily and nodded a little.

"Hi Paris," she said quietly. She tugged her sleeve down over her hand and continued walking.

"Why so quiet?" Rory shrugged and still didn't look up. "I'm onto your tricks, Gilmore. You're not as innocent as you look," the blond girl exclaimed.

She sighed again and walked outside, quickening her pace.

She gasped when she felt the other girl grab onto her arm. She turned around and shuddered when she saw the sliver of light red that was peeking out from underneath her sleeve.

Paris looked down at her wrist and slowly tugged the sleeve of her school sweater up, swallowing hard when she saw the maze of scars that covered her skin.

"Rory…"

"Let go of me," she whispered, yanking her arm back and running out of the school.

Paris closed her eyes tightly and pushed her hand through her hair, convincing herself that the tears in her eyes didn't mean anything.

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He glanced up when he heard the bell above the door ring and frowned. Her eyes were red and she was biting her lip, tugging at the sleeve of her Chilton sweater. She stood there staring at him for a second before he set the coffee pot down at the table he was standing at and walked over to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

Rory shuddered and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his chest and inhaling his scent. He whispered random things in her ear and she slowly started to calm down, pulling away from him and wiping her eyes.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," he returned. The concerned tone of his voice made her look up at him and she shivered again.

"Paris," she whispered. He paused for a second and then nodded, realizing what she meant.

"Hold on a second," he whispered, squeezing her hand quickly before going back in the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around herself and kept her gaze on the counter. A moment later he returned with a cup of coffee and clasped her hand to lead her upstairs.

Rory tangled their fingers together as they descended the stairs and swallowed. It had been three weeks since their one and only kiss, and not a word had been spoken by either of them about it. She couldn't find the lies to excuse her behavior and he didn't know how to bring it up. She desperately wanted to, but the right time just never seemed to come.

She blinked at him when he held the coffee cup out to her. They were in the apartment now and she sighed a little. She took the cup and sipped it gratefully, walking over and sitting on the couch.

He joined her a moment later and took her hand in his again. Setting the empty cup on the table, she looked up at him.

"She saw my scars," she whispered. He nodded and scooted closer to her. "She was rambling about something and grabbed my arm to make me stop walking," she paused, "And my sleeve slid up and she noticed, so she pulled it back further…" she trailed off.

"Did she say anything?" he asked gently, pulling her wrist into his lap and gently massaging it. She shivered a little and shook her head.

"I left before she could."

Jess continued his ministrations on her skin and she watched him, reminded of the night they'd told each other about their problems.

"I hate having those," she whispered softly. He glanced at her questioningly. "The scars; I hate being reminded," she explained.

"I hate it too," he matched her volume.

Rory leaned her forehead against his and took a deep breath. She smiled a little at him and he returned the gesture, placing a chaste kiss on her temple.

XXXXXXXXX

"How's school, Rory?"

She glanced at her wrist before looking up at the older woman.

"It's been ok," she said softly. Her grandmother nodded a little.

"And your classes?"

"They're fine."

Lorelai met her gaze from across the table and smiled encouragingly. She sighed and looked back down at her plate.

"How's your arm?"

Her eyes shot up and locked with her grandfather's. She swallowed thickly and bit her lip, smiling softly at him.

"It's healing," she said quietly. He nodded and gave her a tiny smile. She bit her lip again and looked at her mother. The older woman seemed just as shocked as she was.

XXXXXXXXX

"They seem ok with it."

She looked over at her mother and nodded a little, "Yeah, they do."

"I didn't expect Dad to say anything."

"Me either."

"I'm glad he did."

Rory nodded just as the Jeep pulled into the driveway and she smiled when she saw him sitting on the porch. She got out of the car and walked towards the stairs slowly, stopping a few feet from him.

"Hey," he greeted. She nodded.

"My grandpa talked to me," she said softly. He smiled at her and stood up, walking closer to her. "And my grandma didn't try and coerce me into going to therapy," she whispered. He shivered when he heard the happy tone of voice she had. She laughed as a few tears fell down her cheeks and wrapped her arms around his neck. He held her tightly and rubbed her back.

Lorelai watched from near the Jeep and smiled a little. Rory was acting a lot more like herself lately. She had happy moments like this a lot more as of late. She was smiling more and even laughing on occasion. Shaking her head lightly, the older woman walked past the two and into the house, closing the door quietly behind her.

Rory pulled back from him and bit her lip.

"Hi," she whispered.

He smirked and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before wrapping his arm back around her waist. She kissed him, then, and he froze. He pulled back a second later and shook his head, cupping her face in his hands.

"Ror…"

"Shh," she whispered, reaching up and holding his hands against her cheeks. "It's ok." She kissed him again.

Jess sighed against her mouth and kissed her back, placing gentle kisses on her bottom lip and cradling her face the entire time.

She shivered and pressed closer to him, resting her forehead against his when they broke apart. Her heart was pounding. She gasped quietly in an attempt to calm her breathing.

"I don't want to take advantage of you," Jess whispered after a moment. She locked eyes with him and shook her head.

"You're not," she murmured. He nodded a little and kissed her again.


	12. The Guilty Feeling

A/N: Warning you now, part of this is going to seem extremely cliché. However, it isn't going to be played out in the usual way. It's going to lead to a major character development and plot development in general. Rory's reaction to it is going to be one of the most difficult things for me to write, and it truly does have significance beyond "drama." Just give it a chance, that's all I ask.

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Her locker slammed shut and she turned, nearly running into the girl behind her. She swallowed audibly and let her eyes fall to the floor, instinctively tugging her sleeve over her hand.

"How long?"

She chewed on her bottom lip and remained silent. She didn't want to confront this today.

Paris rolled her eyes and grabbed her hand, pulling her into a quieter portion of the hall. Rory yanked her hand back, shooting the blond an impatient look before folding her arms across her chest and looking at the floor again.

"How long?" Paris repeated.

"Almost a year," she sighed. She looked up at the other girl and her teeth latched onto her lip again. When the blond didn't say anything after a moment she sighed heavily and walked away.

When she reached the main doors of the school she felt someone grab her arm.

"It won't help," Paris said quietly. She turned and went back inside and Rory faltered a little. She rubbed her wrist lightly and started walking toward the bus stop.

She didn't notice him casually leaning against the stone building. Her eyes were glued to the cement and her teeth refused to let up on the skin of her bottom lip. He started walking next to her and after a moment she glanced up, a relieved sigh escaping her lips as she threw her arms around his neck.

Jess tugged her closer and kissed the top of her head. "Bad day?" he whispered. She nodded against his chest.

"I hate it sometimes," she said quietly when she pulled away from him. He kissed her temple and tangled their fingers together, leading them toward his uncle's truck.

"Thank you for picking me up," she said after a moment. He nodded a little and smirked softly at her. He didn't let go of her hand until she was seated in the passenger's side of the truck and she smiled a little at the gesture.

They drove home in a comfortable silence, their fingers weaving together sometime during the ride.

XXXXXXXXX

"Young lady, you and your daughter have not attended a town function in three months," he argued.

Lorelai sighed and shook her head. "There are things more important than town functions, Taylor."

The older man gaped at her for a moment before turning his head when the bell above the door rang. He smiled when he saw the younger Gilmore walk into the diner.

"Leave her alone."

"Rory! How good to see you," Taylor smiled. She glanced up for a second before walking to the counter and sitting next to her mother, keeping her eyes on the counter.

"Get out of my diner," Luke said simply when he came out from the kitchen. The older man huffed and told Lorelai they'd finish their discussion later, mumbling something under his breath as he walked out the door.

Jess placed a cup of coffee in front of his girlfriend and she smiled at him, taking a grateful sip while her mother asked her how her day was. She sighed.

"Paris kept asking me questions," she said quietly, "She found me at lunch and then at the end of the day." Her mother wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, sweets."

"You talked to Luke?" she changed the subject abruptly and Lorelai nodded a little. She smirked and returned to her coffee. The older woman smiled a little and did the same.

XXXXXXXXX

He tossed the rag onto the counter, sighing quietly as he leaned on the counter and tangled their fingers together. She looked up at him and smiled a little before returning her eyes to the counter.

"You seem a little detached tonight," he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She shook her head and rubbed her thumb over his palm.

"I'm fine," she matched his volume.

"Hey," he said softly, ducking his head a little to meet her eyes, "You know you can tell me."

She bit her lip and lifted her head but still didn't let him make eye contact.

"Ror," he prodded gently. She shivered a little.

"She said it wouldn't help," she whispered. His eyes questioned her and he furrowed his brow a little. "Paris, she said that…" she trailed off and took a deep breath. "She said it wouldn't help."

Jess sighed and lifted her chin, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Don't think about it," he said softly. She nodded a little and kissed him again. They broke apart a moment later and he kissed her cheek affectionately before resting his forehead against hers.

Rory sighed quietly and closed her eyes, letting the feel of him envelope her completely. She relaxed a little and he squeezed her hands lightly. She returned the pressure.

XXXXXXXXX

The black and white images that were flying across the screen did little to distract her. The shadows cast across the dark living room barely even lit the coffee table in front of her. She pressed the mute button and traced the lines on her wrist absentmindedly as she listened.

In the kitchen, her mother was trying desperately to keep her voice quiet.

"She doesn't want to talk to me, Lor." She groaned.

"She was upset; she was angry; you have got to talk this out with her!"

"What if I push her too far, huh?"

Lorelai sighed heavily and sunk into a chair, propping her head on her hand.

"She won't go there again."

"You said that before, and not even six hours later you were calling me because she was in the hospital."

"You haven't been here, Chris!" she practically screamed. Her eyes widened and she turned her head towards the living room, cringing when she didn't hear any noise coming from the old movie they'd been watching before the phone rang.

"She doesn't want me there!"

"If you gave her reason to, she would."

"She said it herself, she hates me," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He'd only called to see how his daughter was. An argument was not on tonight's agenda.

"She was upset," Lorelai said softly. She closed her eyes tightly to try and trap in the tiny wells of tears that had appeared.

"I've got to go, I have work to do. I'll call again next week."

The dial tone blared through the receiver and Lorelai threw the phone across the room, giving up on her attempts to retain her tears.

Rory winced when she heard the plastic slam into the wall and scatter across the tile floor. She slowly got up from the couch, walking into the kitchen and sitting down across from her mother. She bit her lip and watched the older woman wipe her tears away, offering her a weak smile.

She didn't return the gesture; she rolled her wrist in her hand and the two sat in a heavy silence for seemingly hours.

"How is he?"

They both seemed a little shocked by the sudden question and the older woman sighed heavily, shaking her head.

"I don't know," she returned. Rory nodded a little.

"Can I talk to him next time he calls?" Her voice was quiet and timid. Lorelai smiled a little and nodded. She nodded back and stood, giving her mother a quick hug before going into her bedroom.

The older woman simply stared at the shattered piece of plastic that once served as a phone.

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She lay there staring at the object sitting on her nightstand. Part of her wanted to hold it; touch it. Part of her wanted to burn it. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, reaching out and taking it between her fingers. She winced a little at the contrast of metal on flesh and bit her lip.

She reached under her bed and pulled out a tiny box, shoving the blade into it and putting it back under a stack of books that resided beneath her mattress. She lay down again and stared at the ceiling, memorizing the rivets in the plaster.

Her thoughts drifted. The movies, when Dean had seen her scars; the look on her mother's face when she'd seen them as well; the day she met Jess. She closed her eyes and smiled, a light blush creeping up her skin. Her thoughts drifted to their first kiss. She smiled again and turned over so that she was lying on her side. She thought about the past week and how real it made her feel to be with him. She hadn't expected to fall for him.

She shook her head as though to shake the thoughts out of her head. They drifted to her father and her smile faded. She began to pick at a loose string on her comforter. She didn't want to resent him. But a part of her truly did.

Ignoring the nagging feeling in her gut she focused on Paris' words from earlier that day. _"It won't help."_ She'd promised Jess she wouldn't think about it but the statement confused her. Was the blond saying that because she'd read about it somewhere? Or was it something else?

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. She was tired of thinking. Climbing quietly out of bed, she threw on a pair of sneakers and climbed out her window.

XXXXXXXXX

She groaned and glared at the clock on her nightstand, sighing heavily when the piercing ring of the telephone broke the quiet of her bedroom again. She groped for the phone and slurred out a groggy hello once she had it pressed to her ear.

"Lorelai Gilmore?"

"Yeah," she yawned, sitting up a little further. She rubbed her eyes.

"I'm calling from Hartford General Hospital for a Mr. Christopher Hayden."

She froze and sat up completely. She wasn't tired anymore.

"He has you listed as an emergency contact."

"Yes, what…what happened?"

"He was involved in an automobile accident a little while ago. He was placed in ICU just before I reached you," the woman said calmly.

Lorelai muttered a thank you and hung up, staring numbly at the wall. She climbed out of bed and down the stairs. When she reached her daughter's room she panicked. Her bed was empty.

XXXXXXXXX

She heard someone murmuring her name and groaned quietly. It was pitch black and she slowly let her eyes flutter open, realizing with a start that she was on the bridge. Her eyes drifted to her boyfriend and she gave him a confused stare. He smirked softly and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"How long have you been out here?" he whispered. She realized she must have fallen asleep and sighed, laying her head in his lap.

"I don't know. I came out here to get some air and I must've dozed off," she said softly. He nodded and tugged his fingers through her hair gently.

"Want me to walk you home? It's almost dawn now," he laughed lightly. She shook her head and closed her eyes again.

"Too comfy," she murmured. He shook his head.

She opened her eyes when she heard footsteps on the old wooden planks. He turned and saw her mother's frantic form, her eyes glistening. Rory sat up and stared at her mother in concern.

The older woman approached the two and stopped, taking a deep breath.

"We have somewhere to be," she said quietly. When the two teenagers continued to stare at her she sighed shakily. "Christopher was in an accident." A tense silence settled over the three and Rory swallowed thickly. Now she understood the guilty feeling she'd had earlier.


	13. Waiting Room

A/N: There are specific scenes in my head. Plot points; conversations; ideas for later in the story are constantly floating through my mind. One of the ideas I've had since I wrote the very first word of this is Paris. I want to give a further, although hopefully subtle, understanding of exactly what is going on behind closed doors at the Gellar mansion. Rory is going to overhear conversations not meant for her ears, be witness to scenes that she will come to dread and despise. Paris has a somewhat dark roll in this, and I can only hope that you all enjoy it. It's going to help Rory in the long run, and I intend to give these two quite a few scenes together.

As for Chris: I don't know what I want to do with him. Obviously, I have written him into the story as a sort of confusion for Rory and Lorelai, affecting them both in ways that they don't really want him to. But I'm not sure how long I'm going to keep him around for, if at all. If there are any Chris fans reading this, my apologies. I'm rather indifferent to his character on the show, and his role in this particular plot can be bad or good depending on one's interpretation.

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He shifted a little, trying not to wake her. She made an unintelligible sound and snuggled further into his side. He rubbed her shoulder absently and kissed her hair.

Coma.

The word made him cringe. He'd watched her eyes darken, saw the tiny 'o' her mouth had formed, felt her shaking against him when the word had tumbled out of the doctor's mouth. Her father was in a coma, and they weren't sure if he was going to wake up again.

He sighed heavily and sunk into her further. Her breath ghosted across his chest and he shivered a little and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall.

She felt guilty. They'd been sitting in the waiting room since four thirty that morning, and it was only noon now. She'd been asleep for two hours and she kept whimpering; clutching onto him. She hadn't cried.

That was the part that bothered him. She hadn't cried once in the seven hours since they had heard about the coma.

He sighed and kissed her hair again. She stirred a little and buried her head in his chest.

Rory slowly looked up at her boyfriend and attempted a smile. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey," he returned quietly.

"What time is it?" she yawned and sat up, pulling away from him in the process. Jess noticed the absence of her warmth but chose not to comment on it.

"Noon."

She nodded a little and tugged at her sleeve, staring at the floor. "Where's my mom?"

"With your dad," he said, reaching over to push some hair out of her face. She nodded again and closed her eyes for a second. "How are you?"

Rory looked up at him and bit her lip gently before scooting back toward him and resting her head on his shoulder. "I don't know." He nodded and wrapped an arm around her.

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She ran a shaky hand through her hair and let out a breath. The room was silent except for the beep of a heart monitor next to the bed. A myriad of machines were hooked up to him and part of her wanted to rip them all away and tell him to stop with the joke. It wasn't funny anymore.

But she knew it wasn't meant to be funny; it was real. He looked like hell. There was a large bandage on his forehead, a cast on his leg, and too many knicks and cuts over the rest of his skin.

She'd cried when they told her about the coma. She'd cried when she'd walked into the room and saw him for the first time. The tears had stopped in the last few minutes, though, and now she was filling the quietus with the sound of her voice.

"The doctor said he isn't sure if you're going to wake up," Lorelai said softly. She reached up to take his hand and lowered the volume of her voice more, "They obviously don't know how stubborn you are, huh?"

She closed her eyes for a moment and sniffled, running her hand through her hair again.

"Rory's in the waiting room," she whispered, "She's really scared, Chris. Hell, I am too. This isn't fair. You have got to wake up. Just…" she sighed and kissed his hand. "Just wake up," she said quietly.

XXXXXXXXX

She walked down the hallway slowly, trying to find the cafeteria Jess had mentioned a few moments ago. She froze when she heard a familiar voice shouting from around the corner. After a second she continued walking.

"Just give me the damn pills!"

Rory sighed heavily and swallowed. Paris hadn't noticed her yet. Maybe she could sneak by without having to talk to her.

"Ms. Gellar, we need your mother's signature," the pharmacist said calmly.

"She's at home, in bed, crying over whatever degrading thing my father said to her this morning! I need that prescription," she argued.

"I'm afraid I can't help you then, Paris." The pharmacist shut the window and the younger girl groaned, whipping around and nearly knocking into the person walking past. "Watch it!" she shouted.

"Sorry, Paris," Rory said quietly. The other girl froze.

"What are you doing here?"

"Trying to find the cafeteria," she said. Paris glared at her.

"Get the sudden urge for hospital food when you woke up this morning?"

"No, just the Jell-O," Rory returned sarcastically. She brushed past the other girl and continued on her search.

Paris stared after her and sighed to herself. She wondered how much the brunette had heard.

XXXXXXXXX

He was reading when she walked back into the waiting room. She bit her lip gently and walked over to him, kissing the top of his head before sitting down next to him. He glanced up and smirked a little, closing the book and setting it on the table. Rory let her hair fall in front of her face as she looked down at the cup of coffee in her hand and he reached out to tuck it behind her ear.

"I saw Paris," she said quietly. Jess blinked for a moment and then nodded.

"Ok…"

The comment had caught him off guard. When she didn't continue the conversation he let it drop. He wasn't sure what was going on in that head of hers.

They sat in silence for a moment and she let out a breath after a while.

"Has my mom come out yet?"

"No, she's still in there," he said quietly. She nodded a little and took a sip of her coffee, tracing the rim of the Styrofoam cup absently with her finger.

"I feel so guilty," she whispered. He lifted her chin gently and she blinked back tears, refusing to meet his gaze. "He's in there in a coma thinking I despise him, and-"

"Rory."

"And he's probably hooked up to a dozen machines and in pain, even if he doesn't know it and-"

"Rory," he said a little louder. She stopped talking and met his gaze, finally.

"What?" she said softly. Jess sighed and took the coffee cup out of her hands, setting it on the table next to him before tugging on her wrist gently. She took the hint and settled sideways in his lap, his arms firmly around her waist.

"This is not your fault," he said seriously. Rory swallowed thickly but remained silent. "It was an accident. They happen every day."

"He thinks I hate him." Jess bit the inside of his lip and squeezed her gently. Her voice was small, childlike. It scared him a little.

"When he wakes up you can tell him the truth," he whispered. Rory locked eyes with him and nodded a little, leaning against him as he held her tighter.

Silence descended over the two again and she started to drift a little. He kissed the tip of her nose and she giggled softly, burying her face in the crook of his neck. The gesture made him shiver slightly, and he didn't notice her mother walking into the room.

Lorelai smiled weakly when she saw the couple and walked further into the waiting room. Her daughter wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's torso and sighed quietly, snuggling into him further. Jess kissed her forehead and then nodded to Lorelai.

"Hey," the older woman said quietly. Rory opened her eyes and adjusted so that she could see her mother. She and Jess returned the greeting.

"How is he?" Rory asked quietly.

"Hooked up to a dozen machines," Lorelai told her. Her voice was hoarse and Rory noticed how puffy her eyes were. It hurt to see her mother, the strongest person she knew, in tears.

Lorelai began to repeat the conversation she had just had with the doctor to the two teenagers but Rory tuned her out. She was tired of hearing what was wrong with her father. She was supposed to be able to apologize for saying the things she said; tell him that she loved him but was tired of him fading in and out of her life, more often out than in. And now he was lying in a hospital bed in a coma. Her stomach felt heavy, her limbs tired, eyes sore and burnt.

She focused her attention on Jess' hand, which was currently tracing the upper part of her arm. He was always so gentle with her. She felt safe in his arms; as safe as she did in her mother's. She smiled softly and kissed the skin of his neck gently before tuning back into the conversation.

"Do you think he's going to wake up?" Jess was asking. Lorelai sighed heavily but nodded.

"He's too stubborn not to." He nodded and looked down at the girl in his arms, trying to ignore the chills that had shot through him when she'd kissed his neck a moment ago. The sensations were still new; it still sent him reeling whenever they touched.

"You ok?" he asked quietly. Rory nodded a little and looked up at him.

"Dr. Doran said we'd be better off going home than waiting around here; they'll call if there's any update," Lorelai broke in. Her daughter nodded a little but didn't break the gaze she was holding with Jess. She rolled her eyes.

XXXXXXXXX

She groaned when the light filtered into her bedroom window the next morning. Rolling over, she came into contact with another body and sighed softly, finally opening her eyes. She noticed the troubled expression her mother's face held and bit her lip. She remembered falling asleep the night before and the door opening in the middle of the night before her mother had crawled into bed with her. Neither said anything, simply went back to sleep.

"Mom," Rory whispered, shaking her lightly. "Mom, wake up."

Lorelai swatted her hand away and snuggled further into the covers, earning an annoyed sigh from her daughter.

"Fine, I'll go to the diner without you," she mumbled, getting up and walking into the bathroom. Once the door was shut she sighed and leaned against it, running a hand through her hair. She was overtired from the events of the day before, but she knew she couldn't sleep anymore if she tried. Paris; Chris; the ache in her wrist when she had pulled out a chair with her left hand last night; it was all proving to be too much.

Rory shook the thought from her head and glanced down at her wrist, smiling a little when she saw how much more faded her scars had become. Most were pink, a few shining a darker red, and some were even lighter. It was nice to not be so paranoid anymore.

She heard Lorelai calling to her and she sighed again before responding. She got ready to go quickly and then met her mother by the door for their usual morning trip to Luke's, trying to ignore the tortured look her mother's eyes held.


	14. Too Damn Stubborn

A/N: Over 160 reviews – shall I count the ways I love thee? Thank you guys so much for reading, and especially for reviewing. I know I say that all the time, but it really makes me feel so good to know that you like the story. So thank you…and….keep up the good work…now I sound like a soccer coach. 2, 4, 6, 8…yeah, never mind. I don't cheer.

I was going to do something different with this chapter. Then I decided to take it in a different direction because it just worked a little better. I'm not sure when I'm going to get to update next – hopefully within a few days, but that doesn't always work out so I'm not going to make any promises. I'll stop rambling now and let you read.

XXXXXXXXX

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder and sighed shakily. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head, tugging her closer and pushing one of his hands through her hair.

"I can't do this," she whispered, lifting her head away from his shoulder. Jess sighed and shook his head, stroking his thumb across her cheek lightly.

"Yes, you can," he argued softly.

"Jess…" she sighed and trailed off. She looked up into his eyes and kissed him softly, shivering when he deepened it.

"You can do this," he repeated when they stopped. His breathing was a little erratic and he tried his best to keep his voice steady. Rory nodded a little and kissed him again.

She pulled away from him reluctantly and sighed again. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and nodded toward the door. Rory nodded a little and offered him a weak smile before turning and walking into the room. The door closed with a soft click behind her and she inhaled sharply.

She bit her lip gently and slowly walked over to the bed, taking a seat in the chair next to it. She didn't say anything for a long while; simply sat and listened to the steady beep of the heart monitor. She sniffled a little and reached up to brush away unshed tears, sighing as she scooted to the edge of the chair and took her father's hand in her own.

"Hey Dad," she said shakily. Her voice was barely above a whisper, hardly disturbing the almost-silent atmosphere. She took a deep breath.

"You don't look so good," she laughed nervously and traced the line of his IV with her finger. She hesitated and looked up at his face, taking the time to notice the slight scar on his forehead.

"I know…I haven't come to see you before today," she continued quietly, "And it's been almost two weeks…"

She swallowed thickly. This was harder than she thought it would be.

"I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly. So much was contained in the simply statement. She was apologizing for not coming to see him sooner, for saying she hated him, for actually feeling said emotion at certain points in her life. She let out a breath and closed her eyes, ignoring the tears that were falling down her cheeks and dripping off of her face, now, staining the cloth of the bed sheet.

Rory took another deep breath and squeezed his hand lightly, standing up.

"I love you, Daddy," she murmured, kissing his forehead lightly. She let go of his hand and left the room a moment later, collapsing into the arms of her boyfriend.

XXXXXXXXX

She stepped inside the house and held the door open for him, biting her lip when he brushed past her. She sighed quietly and closed the door, leaning against it as she turned to face him.

Jess stepped closer to her, running his hand up her arm lightly. "Hey," he said quietly. Rory sighed softly and looked up at him.

"Hey," she matched his volume and took his hand, intertwining their fingers.

"You ok?"

Rory considered the question for a moment and then sighed quietly, nodding a little. "I think I am. Or…I will be."

He nodded and gently tugged on her hand, pulling her forward until she was leaning against him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and her own wrapped around his waist. She tipped her head back to look at him and he brought their lips together softly, moving them away from the door in the process.

Jess was the first to pull away, seeing the door open before she heard it. She leaned up to place a kiss on his jaw just as her mother walked into the house, freezing when she saw the couple.

"Hi!" Lorelai said loudly. Rory jumped back from him and blushed.

"Hi, Mom," she said softly, tugging at her sleeve. Jess wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back into him, greeting Lorelai in the process. She watched as Rory buried her head in his chest and he kissed her hair, whispering something in her ear and holding her closer. She felt something in the pit of her stomach, unable to identify it but somehow knowing what it was at the same time.

"How was the hospital?" Lorelai asked quietly, tossing her purse onto the table and hanging up her coat. Rory raised her head and looked at her mother with sad eyes.

"He's not as cut up as you said," she smiled weakly.

"Talk to him?"

"Yeah."

The two women locked eyes and Lorelai nodded a little, sighing softly. "I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower," she said as she walked by the couple, kissing her daughter's cheek, "Nothing dirty!" she wagged a finger and jogged up the stairs.

Rory blushed a bright shade of crimson and buried her head in his chest again. Jess smirked. She mumbled something into his chest and pulled back from him again, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck.

"Movie?"

He kissed her gently and nodded a little, "Sure."

XXXXXXXXX

She crawled into the bed that night and sighed softly, turning on her side to face her mother.

"Mom," she whispered, brushing some hair from Lorelai's face.

She got a grunt in response and she sighed, shaking her gently. "Mom," she said louder. Another grunt. Rory groaned and pulled the pillow out from under her head, smacking her mother with it. "Mom!"

Lorelai shot up with a start and looked around the room in bewilderment for a moment. Her eyes finally came to rest on her daughter, whom was lying next to her in the bed and trying her best not to laugh. She glared for a moment and laid back against the pillow, turning to face her.

"Mean," she grumbled. Rory smiled a little and snuggled into the covers further.

"I apologized to Dad," she said softly. Lorelai's eyes clouded over a little and she smiled.

"I'm glad," she matched the younger girl's volume.

They were quiet for a few minutes, the only sound in the room being their breathing.

"You think he's going to be ok?"

Lorelai locked eyes with her daughter and nodded a little, "I do."

"Me, too," Rory nodded. Her mother smiled, allowing it to fade into a smirk a moment later.

"So how are things with Jess?"

Rory blushed brightly and rolled her eyes, unable to contain the smile that spread across her features. She was thankful that the darkness hid the blush; the smile was enough to elicit a girlish giggle from Lorelai.

"Spill," Lorelai grinned. Her daughter bit her lip and smiled again, laughing when a pillow flew at her.

XXXXXXXXX

A shrill ringing perpetrated the silence, forcing its inhabitants to fall out of the comfortable unconsciousness they'd fallen into. Candy wrappers were strewn about the living room floor, joined by dozens of pillows, popcorn kernels, empty bowls and soda cans. They'd ended up back downstairs at some point during their pillow fight, eventually collapsing onto the couch and falling asleep.

The younger of the two women was the first to stir, groping to find the phone among the mess on the coffee table. She felt her fingers wrap around the object and picked it up, clicking it on and pressing it to her ear as she snuggled further into the cushions.

"Hello?" she asked groggily, yawning as she opened her eyes.

"Lorelai Gilmore?"

Rory glanced at her mother through blurry eyes and noticed that she'd simply pulled a pillow over her head when the phone rang. She sighed and nodded, "Speaking."

"I'm calling from Hartford General Hospital…"

She bolted into a sitting position.

"…Christopher Hayden would like to speak with you," the woman finished politely. Rory felt her breath catch in her throat.

"He's awake?" she asked frantically.

"Since three a.m., ma'am."

Rory smiled and asked the woman to allow her to talk to her father. Lorelai had been right; he was too damn stubborn not to wake up.

XXXXXXXXX

She walked into the diner and scanned the room for him, finding him behind the counter reading. She smiled and walked over to him, snapping the book from his grasp and kissing him before he could protest.

Jess froze for a second, caught off guard by her actions, before coming to his senses and returning the kiss, cupping her face in his hand lightly. When they parted a moment later he noticed the giddy way she was smiling at him.

"My dad woke up," Rory said quietly. He smirked and kissed her again, allowing her to pull away after a moment.

"Good," he murmured. She turned as her mother walked into the diner and he trailed the movement with his eyes before getting them both a cup of coffee.

"Remind me not to answer the phone next time my mother calls," Lorelai grumbled as she joined Rory at the counter. Her daughter frowned a little.

"Aren't they happy about dad?"

"They want us all to go over for dinner when he gets out of the hospital."

"Oh," Rory nodded, understanding. "And the last time there was a Hayden-Gilmore reunion…" she trailed off, her eyes falling on the counter and her fingers tugging at the sleeve of her sweater.

"My thoughts exactly," Lorelai sighed. Jess listened with an indifferent expression, turning concerned eyes to Rory when the look of glee fell off her face. He walked around the counter and kissed her cheek softly, whispering something in her ear to bring it back before walking off to take someone's order.

She blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear, sipping her coffee. Lorelai grinned.

"Jess and Rory, sitting in a tree…"

Rory turned a darker shade of red and continued to drink her coffee. Her mother snickered.

"Don't make me gag," Luke deadpanned as he walked behind the counter.

"Ignore her," Rory said quickly. Lorelai pouted and she rolled her eyes, requesting to-go cups from Luke so that they could get going.

"What's the big hurry?"

"My dad woke up," Rory smiled as she accepted the coffee from him. He nodded a little.

"Good," he said awkwardly. He walked back into the kitchen as the two women left, the younger of the two sending a smile toward her boyfriend before closing the door behind her. She tried to ignore the troubled look Luke's eyes had held a moment prior.


	15. Gift

A/N: For the sake of my sanity, Max and Lorelai never happened. And this chapter finally clicked last night so I blew off my English homework to write it. I hope you enjoy.

XXXXXX

She was walking down the hall, brushing past the slew of uniformed students who were walking the opposite direction when she heard someone yelling from her English classroom. Her movements stilled as she got closer to the cracked open door and she recognized the voice.

"I don't care about your damn sympathy; I just want the grade I deserve!"

Rory winced and hugged her books tighter to her chest.

"Paris, I understand that you're going through a difficult time-"

"You don't understand anything!" Paris countered, cutting off his attempt to calm her. Max Medina sighed heavily and wiped a hand across his face, leaning back in his desk chair.

"And I don't want to add to that stress," he continued, "But the grade I gave you is still a good one. It isn't worth this argument."

"An _A-_, Mr. Medina," she seethed.

"Respectable," he nodded.

"It deserved higher! I slaved away at this paper for hours, trying to perfect it. I missed valuable therapy time to write this paper!"

"I'm not reevaluating the paper, Paris."

The girl glared at him before storming out of the classroom, knocking into her classmate in her haste. "Watch it!" she snapped, bending down to pick up the pile of things she'd dropped.

"Sorry, Paris," Rory mumbled, walking into the classroom. Paris' head snapped up and she watched the other girl's retreating back before her eyes turned back to her books. She took a deep breath and picked them up, hugging them tightly as she walked a short distance to her locker. She opened it impatiently and shoved her books into the metal box, pulling a tiny bottle off one of the shelves. She dropped some of its content into her mouth and swallowed quickly, taking out the materials for her next class and slamming the locker door as she walked away.

Rory tugged her sleeve down over her hand and opened her book, turning her eyes away from the doorway and the scene that had just transpired in the hall.

XXXXXX

She saw him when she stepped off the last stair and sighed heavily, kissing him and wrapping her arms around him gratefully. He reciprocated her movements, trying not to spill the cup of hot coffee in his hand.

"Bad day?" he asked softly, tucking her hair behind her ear with his free hand. Rory sighed and nodded. Jess handed her the cup of coffee and she smiled a little, taking a sip as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder; he tightened his grip and they walked toward the Gilmore residence.

XXXXXX

"Lor, it's fine; I'm perfectly capable of going to dinner," he argued. Lorelai blinked at him and then sighed, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Fine! Throw yourself to the wolves, I don't care," she sighed.

The front door open and she heard a soft giggle come from the door way. She waited until she heard a departing murmur from her daughter and the soft click of the door before walking around the corner to greet her.

"He wants to be back in the coma," she deadpanned, leaning against the wall. Rory dropped her backpack and hung up her coat, frowning at her mother.

"Dinner tonight?"

"Affirmative."

Rory nodded a little and tucked her hair behind her ear, tugging gently at the sleeve of her school sweater. Lorelai noticed the change in her demeanor and frowned.

"Hey," she said softly, "It's not going to be the same tonight. The Haydens won't be there."

"I know," Rory nodded. She offered her mother a weak smile and picked her bag up again. "I need to study."

Lorelai nodded and watched her daughter brush past her, waving to her father before walking into her bedroom and closing the door.

She sighed and tried to ignore the bad feeling she had about tonight.

XXXXXX

She picked at her plate, occasionally glancing up at the other people in the room. The silence was heavy; overbearing; and it hurt, a little. Family dinners were supposed to be pleasant and filled with laughter and stories about the week. Gilmore dinners were silent and awkward and filled with forced politeness and interest. She loved her grandparents but their home was uncomfortable and hard to fit into.

"What are your plans for recovery, Christopher?"

Rory looked up at her father as she took a bite of her food. He contemplated for a moment before answering the woman.

"I'm not totally sure. Lorelai got me a room at the Inn for a little while until I figure things out."

"How nice," Emily smiled politely. "Do you think you're going to stay in the area?"

The question sent a new wave of quiet across the room. Lorelai choked a little on her wine. Rory pushed her food around her plate. Emily and Christopher remained in a sort of staring contest.

"I don't know," he responded honestly. Emily nodded a little and pressed her mouth into a firm line.

"Well, I would assume that you'd want to spend some time with your daughter, especially after what's been going on," she said evenly. Rory continued to stare at her plate, ignoring the searing pain that seemed to fly through her wrist. Christopher glanced across the table at his daughter and cleared his throat quietly.

"She and I can discuss it later if she'd like. I'm not going to force her into anything."

"You don't think she's missed her father? Surely she has. Rory, wouldn't you like to spend some time with Christopher?"

Rory cringed. Emily spoke in a voice used to soothe small children, overly sweet and falsely interested. She bit her bottom lip and looked up at her grandmother.

"Mom, leave it alone," Lorelai warned.

"Lorelai, I'm simply asking her a question. Can I not ask my own granddaughter a simple question?"

"It's fine," the comment was directed toward Lorelai and she sighed, leaning back in her chair. Rory looked back to her grandmother and took a deep breath. "Should he decide to stay, it'd be nice," she said quietly. Emily nodded.

"A rather evasive answer," she observed.

"Why are you pushing this?"

"I would like to know why it's so impossible for a father to spend time with his daughter, especially when he could stay here and recover from his accident!"

"What's the real reason, Mom?"

"That is the real reason, Lorelai, why are you insinuating that I'm hiding something?"

"Um…because you are?"

"Maybe between the two of you we can figure out some way to erase these problems with Rory!"

A fork clattered against a plate and the youngest Gilmore flew out of the room, taking the correct turns to the foyer. Lorelai stared after her and turned to her mother.

"She was doing just fine before you decided to 'help,'" she snapped, getting up and going after her daughter.

Christopher gently put his utensil down, remaining silent as he limped after his ex. Emily sighed.

XXXXXX

The car ride home was too quiet. Music filtered quietly from the speakers but it did nothing to lessen the buzzing in her ears as she stared out the window at the passing scenery. Her mother stopped the car in front of the diner and she nearly jumped out of the Jeep, walking into the diner before a word could be exchanged between the two.

She ignored the little jingle of the bell above the door and walked up to the counter, asking Luke where he was. He nodded toward the stairs and she ran behind the curtain before he could say anything else.

He looked up from his book when he heard the soft knock on the door and glanced at the clock, confused. She shouldn't have been back so early. He shouted an invitation and sat up in his bed. She rushed into the apartment not a second later, closing the door behind her as she walked nervously into the room. The first thing he noticed was the way she was fidgeting with her wrist. Her tears came into his vision and he stood, walking over and pulling her into a hug.

"I never wanted things to turn out like this," she whispered brokenly. Jess closed his eyes and held her tighter, sighing as she cried quietly into his chest. "They were being so supportive, especially after my dad woke up, and…" she took a deep breath and pulled away just enough to look at him, her voice hoarse from holding back tears the entire way home. "And for the past month I thought it was getting better, and it didn't hurt as much to be in that house, and then tonight…" she sobbed again and cut herself off.

"Ror," he whispered, tipping her chin up. "It _is_ getting better."

She sniffled and nodded, focusing her eyes on his chest.

"They think he needs to stay and help my mom make things better for me."

His eyes snapped shut and he groaned. "They have no idea how strong you are; how far you've come," he said seriously. "They don't understand, Rory, they're never going to."

She sighed heavily and sunk into him. "I know," she whispered, "But I'm so tired of disappointing people."

There was a moment of silence, the only sound in the room being her sniffles and their combined breathing. Jess hesitated before speaking again, unsure if he should admit what he was thinking. He sighed softly and kissed her hair.

"You've never been anything but a gift to me." His voice was barely audible, even with their proximity. She almost didn't hear him. But then the words registered and her breath caught in her throat, her eyes frantically searching for his. When she saw the sincerity in those dark pools of brown a whole new veil of tears filled her eyes and she kissed him harder than she knew she was capable of.

XXXXXX

She sighed when she saw the shadows the familiar images of Willy Wonka sent into the living room. Kneeling down in front of the sofa and her sleeping mother, she pushed some hair out of her face and kissed her forehead, murmuring something to wake her up. She got a grunt in response and groaned, standing up to turn off the movie. She walked down the hall and tugged a blanket out of the closet, walking back into the living room and draping it across her mother before going into her room to get ready for bed.

As she changed into her pajamas and climbed under the covers she couldn't shake the conflicting emotions she had. Sad Rory wanted to crawl into a corner and never come out again, while angry and frustrated Rory wanted to tell everyone to leave her the hell alone and stop fondling her. And then there was giddy Rory, whom was responsible for the smile she was wearing when she snuggled into her blankets.

Rory sighed heavily and snuggled further into her bed, allowing the redness of her eyes to clear as she fell asleep.

XXXXXX

She blinked at the girl sitting in front of her. Bjork was still filtering through her eardrums and she questioned whether or not she had heard her friend correctly.

"He said that?" she smiled brightly, letting the story sink in.

Rory nodded a little and tugged at her sleeve, a light shade of red coloring her cheeks.

Lane giggled and lay back in her closet, shaking her head. "I bet that made up for the badness that was dinner," she grinned. Rory turned a darker shade of red and bit her lip.

"It was really sweet," Rory said quietly, her smile widening.

Lane watched her friend and nibbled on her lip. She was doing so much better. She was returning to the Rory that she'd known her entire life, and Lane could only be thankful for that. She shook the thought from her head and her smile faded. "Do you think your dad is gonna stick around?"

Rory considered the question for a moment, her smile fading as well. She subconsciously tugged at her sleeve for a second and then stopped, seemingly noticing what she was doing. She sighed and shook her head, "I don't know." Lane nodded and hugged her.


	16. Perfect Little Mary

A/N: This chapter was fun as hell to write. I know, it took me a while, but my muse just wasn't stopping by to help me out with this story. Sorry for the wait, I truly am. And I hope that this was worth it. Let me know what you think.

XXXXXX

"_I don't want to hear your sob story, I want that article."_

"_I don't have it, please Paris, just let me expl-"_

"_Explain? No. Get me the article by the end of the day or get me something equally as important to fill the spot. Now, moving on…"_

She sighed and sunk further into him as they sat on the bridge. Her eyes were focused on the text in front of her but he knew she wasn't thinking about the words. She had been slightly off all day, blaming it on a lack of sleep. He knew better. Something was bothering her.

Rory sighed again and shifted against his side. Jess put the book down next to him on the bridge, earning a questioning glance from his girlfriend. He shook his head and pulled away from her, turning sideways and taking her hands in his so that he could look at her.

"What is it?"

She shivered, realizing how well he knew her. She traced her thumb across his knuckles and watched the movement, unsure of what to tell him.

"Ror," he prodded gently, ducking his head a little to catch her eyes. Blue locked onto brown and he gave her a small smile. She sighed softly and closed her eyes for a minute.

"_Did my mother call in my prescription?"_

_Paris listened to the response from the person on the other end of the line and groaned, snapping her phone shut and shoving it into her bag as she sat down on the stairs. Madeline and Louise blinked at each other and then joined her, knowing better than to ask what happened._

_Rory watched in silence from the courtyard while she waited for Jess to pick her up._

She opened her eyes again and bit her bottom lip, shaking her head.

"It's stupid," she said quietly. Jess squeezed her hands gently and she bit her lip again. "It's just…" she groaned and let go of his hands, standing up and running a hand through her hair in frustration.

"_It won't help."_

Rory paced along the worn wooden planks and twisted her wrist in her hand.

"_Doesn't it make you sick to know that there are people in the world who are actually as bubble-gum pop happy as they act?"_

Her head felt like it was spinning. Any second now, it would float off into space and she wouldn't have to deal with any of it anymore. She snapped out of it when she felt Jess wrap an arm around her waist from behind and tug her into his body. She gasped quietly and sighed, closing her eyes as she leaned against him.

"Paris," she said softly, "Paris is the matter."

She turned her head to look at him and he nodded a little, loosening his grip on her as they sat back down on the bridge and she slowly started to explain.

XXXXXX

She stared at him for a moment, gauging the seriousness of what he'd just told her. His eyes didn't leave hers and finally she nodded, sighing resignedly.

"Boston," she said quietly. Christopher sighed and nodded.

"I got a job offer," he explained. "It starts next week and if there are any complications from the accident, I can get treatment there…"

Lorelai bit her lip and nodded again. "You get to tell Rory," she said seriously. "I'm not going to be the one to instigate that conversation." He nodded and looked at the floor.

XXXXXX

Three days later, she watched with a detached calmness as her father jumped into his car and drove off, all the while waving off various pleas from her mother to be safe. The past three weeks of having him in the house had been so stressful. She was glad, to an extent, to be able to talk to him and see him whenever she wanted.

But it seemed that when she got him, she didn't necessarily want him.

And having to skirt her way around Christopher and pretend to be oblivious to Paris' problems every day at Chilton proved to be much more difficult than it should've been.

She sighed softly and kicked at the powder lying below her feet. She'd been dragged out of her bed at two in the morning to watch the first snow fall of the year. The thought made her smile a little and she sighed softly.

Lorelai kissed her cheek and walked back into the house. She stood in the yard for a moment before turning and following her, grabbing her backpack and leaving for school a few minutes later.

And the day flew by in a blur of notebooks, broken pencils, a dull ache in her wrist, and the sharp clattering of pills against the floor as she left her English class to go to lunch.

She stopped, then, turning back to face the empty room and the frustrated huff of a certain blond who was crawling around on the floor in her knee socks and plaid skirt trying to pick up the tiny white ovals.

"Do you need help?" she asked quietly as she dropped her books on a nearby desk. Paris' head shot up and her eyes flared.

"I think I can handle it, thanks," she bit back harshly. Rory bit her bottom lip and nodded slightly. An awkward silence ensued and she swallowed thickly.

"So…what are the pills for?"

Awkward turned to angry in a matter of mere seconds.

"What do you care? I thought metal was your kryptonite."

Rory inhaled sharply and walked over to the other girl, crossing her arms in front of her chest indignantly. "Is there a reason you hate me so much?"

Paris laughed cruelly and shook her head as she stood up to face the brunette. "When you first showed up here do you have any idea how _painful_ it was for me to watch you?"

Rory blinked a little and opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by another sharp laugh.

"No, of course you don't. Let me give you a hint," she smirked. "Perfect little Mary," she continued to smile, weaving her way between the polished desks, "With her perfect mother and her perfect boyfriend and her perfect fucking one-horse town. Perfect little Mary who had never been touched by the evils of the world and never been thrown into therapy by her manic-depressive mother and workaholic, verbally abusive father."

She stopped when the expanse of the room was separating them and her smirk faded.

"But oh, wait. Perfect little Mary isn't so perfect, is she?"

"That's not-"

"What? Not fair? Not nice?" Paris pouted mockingly. "What are you gonna do about it? Make another little slice in your perfect porcelain skin?"

Rory bit her lip and sniffled quietly, eyes drifting to the ground in an attempt to hide her tears.

"How'd it feel?" she asked seriously, slowly stepping closer. "Like you were finally alive? Like everything could maybe, just maybe," she paused. If Rory had been looking at her, she would've seen the sharp flash of pain that had flickered through her eyes. "Fall into place if you could just make yourself bleed enough?"

Rory groaned exasperatedly and dropped her hands to her sides, glaring at Paris.

"You don't know anything about what I've been through," she said seriously. Paris halted and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't?"

"No, you don't," Rory defended again. She wiped her tears away quickly and continued to stare at the girl in front of her. The corner of Paris' mouth tilted up into a half-smirk and her eyes shone.

"My mistake, Mary," she said softly, "And here I was thinking I could break you."

"Take your pills, Paris," Rory snapped, "I think I prefer the bitch when she's on medication." Paris stared at her as she grabbed her books and stormed out of the room.

XXXXXX

She plopped down at the counter and grinned when a mug of coffee was set down in front of her.

"Such service," she smiled brightly up at him and he rolled his eyes, kissing her forehead lightly.

"You looked a little annoyed," he explained. Rory smiled at him again and he caught her lips with his this time, tangling his fingers together with hers across the counter. "Everything ok?"

She sighed softly and squeezed his hand lightly. Jess nodded and she kissed him again before he walked away to serve another customer. She bit her lip lightly and took a sip of her coffee.

The bell jingled and she turned her head, a smile forming on her lips when her mother (quite literally) bounced into the diner.

"I smell snow," Lorelai grinned as she plopped down next to the younger Gilmore. Rory frowned slightly.

"It snowed last night."

"I know, but it's gonna snow again."

"This is Stars Hollow; of course it's going to snow again."

"You're taking all of the excitement out of my snow," she glared. Rory shrugged and took another sip of her coffee.

"I'm sorry; I thought your excitement might have dwindled after two in the morning."

Lorelai gasped. "You expected me to let you sleep through the very first snow of the year?"

"In favor of beauty sleep so that I could face the evil beings at Chilton, yes."

She considered this for a moment and then nodded. "Point taken," she smiled and Rory rolled her eyes. Lorelai opened her mouth to speak again when a cup of coffee was slid across the counter to her and she grinned. "You read minds now?"

Jess rolled his eyes and looked at Rory. "Bridge tonight?"

She frowned, "It's going to snow."

"How do you know?"

"She can smell it," she cocked a thumb toward her mother and Lorelai smiled over the rim of her mug. He raised an eyebrow but chose not to question it. "Movie night?" she suggested. He nodded and promised he'd be over around seven before wandering off to refill coffees.

XXXXXX

He hadn't intended to get involved. She'd been running around in the front yard with her mother, tossing snowballs back and forth in an all-out war. Her laughter had rang out in the darkness, clear through the falling flakes of snow and tugging at something deep in the pit of his stomach, making his heart speed up … just a little.

And he hadn't noticed the ball of white that had been hurled at his head in his daze.

Somehow, he'd ended up on his back in a steadily-growing pile of snow with her sprawled out on his chest, still giggling incessantly. He'd wrapped his arms around her firmly when she'd tried to get up. Her laughter slowly died down and she smiled brightly at him.

"Hi," she whispered. Jess smirked and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Hi," he returned quietly. Rory giggled quietly and kissed his chin, blue eyes shining with mirth in the light from the porch.

"You're all wet," she smiled and ran a glove-covered hand across his cheek. He nodded and hugged her tighter.

"So are you," he replied. She grinned and kissed him softly, once again trying to get up. His arms tightened and she frowned slightly. "Stay here," he requested in a whisper. She bit her lip and nodded a little, head falling lightly on his shoulder as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

They lay there in silence for a while, eyes closed as the snow continued to fall around them in a gentle blur. He knew they'd have to get up soon, but for now he was content to just lay there with her.

"I got into an argument with Paris today," she said softly. The warmth of her breath was a noticeable contrast on the cold skin of his neck and he shivered a little. Rory cuddled closer. "I asked her about the pills."

Jess kissed her forehead gently and tilted his head to look down at her. "What'd she say?"

"She made a comment about metal being my kryptonite and kept calling me perfect," she whispered. Her arm found its way inside the warmth of his jacket.

"It's not worth dwelling over."

"I know; I'm not, really. It hurt, a little, but…"

He nodded and rubbed her back lightly. "We're gonna freeze to death," he joked quietly. She giggled softly and looked up at him, lips grazing the angle of his jaw.

"You were the one that wanted to stay out here," she argued. He rolled his eyes as she got off of him, yanking on his hand to pull him up as well. They wandered up her porch and into the house with their fingers interlocked, her head on his shoulder.


	17. Bring A Date

A/N: I'm mean. I know that. But my brain has been refusing to cooperate with me for quite a while now. I think it's from lack of sleep; not totally sure but that's what I'm blaming it on. Anyway: sorry about the delay for this chapter. I never intended to wait this long to write it. It sort of ran away with me when I started to type, though, so you can't blame me for any momentary insanity that may occur in this chapter.

But, it was a fun one to write. So I hope you enjoy.

XXXXXX

"_Did you know?"_

"_I heard she cuts herself-"_

"_-and she almost bled to death-"_

"_-they found her on her bathroom floor-"_

She squeezed his hand tighter in her own and traced her thumb across his knuckles, trying to find some semblance of normal.

"You ok?"

Jess glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and frowned a little at her distant expression. She turned her head towards him and nodded, a sigh escaping her lips as she continued to idly trace the back of his hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Rory reassured. He gave her a pointed glance and she ignored it, looking out the window as they drove along the familiar streets to her house.

"_Jamie said her dad abandoned her-"_

"_And her boyfriend totally dumped her when he found out-"_

She closed her eyes tightly and let out another sigh. She felt his gaze on her when he pulled into her driveway and took a deep breath before turning to face him again.

"Two weeks of freedom," he smiled a little and she felt the corners of her mouth tilt up.

"No Chilton for two whole weeks," she sighed, "Heaven."

Jess nodded a little and leaned back in the seat of his uncle's truck, watching her closely. Something had happened between the time she left the diner that morning and the time he picked her up from school to make her like this. She hadn't been this quiet in weeks.

"Was it Paris?"

Rory tucked her hair behind her ear quickly, shaking her head and staring at the dashboard. He reached over and tilted her chin up with his hand, turning her head and forcing her to look at him. He raised an eyebrow and she sighed heavily, closing her eyes for a moment.

"No, it wasn't Paris," she said firmly. He nodded.

"So, what happened?"

"It's nothing," she shook her head again and he sighed, scooting across the bench seat and pressing his lips to her cheek gently. He felt her smile as he moved his lips to hers, capturing her bottom lip between his teeth lightly. A gasp escaped her lips and he caught it in between his own, continuing his lazy exploration of her mouth while she wrapped her arms around his neck.

They parted after a few moments and she pressed her forehead against his, letting out a shaky breath. He fought to catch his own while she considered the words she wanted to say.

"I guess…" she locked eyes with him and he nodded, tracing the line of her jaw with his finger. "Someone overheard my debacle with Paris the other day," she said quietly. "And people won't stop talking about it."

"People are stupid," he offered. Rory laughed at that, nodding in agreement.

"Yeah," she sighed and leaned back against the seat, smiling at him a little. Jess kissed her one last time before letting go of her, sliding back into the driver's seat when she got out of the truck. "I'll see you for dinner," she promised, sending him one last smile before walking inside. He nodded after her and headed back to the diner to finish his shift.

XXXXXX

"That's hardly fair."

"Fairness was not in the contract."

"We signed a contract?" Lorelai cocked her head to the side and stared at him, frowning. Luke rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"We probably should have. One stating that I wouldn't give you more than three cups of coffee and that you wouldn't annoy me."

"Well, what's the fun in that?" she smiled brightly at him and he sighed heavily, refilling the mug in front of her. Rory snickered. Lorelai smiled again and eagerly sipped at the dark liquid, sighing in satisfaction as she set the cup back on the counter. "Ah, heaven. I wonder if it tastes as good as this."

"And when are you planning on eating heaven?" Rory asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow at her mother. Lorelai considered the question and then shrugged, smiling before taking another sip of her coffee. Rory rolled her eyes and turned back to the book in her hands.

"Are you going to spend the next two weeks reading?"

She smiled and glanced up at the owner of the voice, pursing her lips together in mock-consideration. "Hmm…sounds cozy."

Jess rolled his eyes and snatched the book from her, avoiding her retaliating smack with a grin. "You should let me borrow this," he browsed through the pages, looking up at her as he read the back cover. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and frowned at him. He laughed a little and leaned on the counter, ducking down a little to catch her eye. Rory reached for the book and he held it behind him, laughing again when she started to glare at him.

"I'll give it back if you let me borrow it," he promised. She sighed and frowned again before nodding, smiling brightly when he dropped the book on the counter and snatching it back to finish the page she'd been reading.

Lorelai glanced back and forth between the two teenagers in amusement. "Wow. You're like the ultimate nerd couple. Arguing over books; ha!" she smiled teasingly and Jess rolled his eyes, brushing the back of Rory's hand as he walked around the corner.

"Feeling better?" he whispered in her ear. She turned her head a little to look at him and nodded, smiling slightly. He nodded and kissed the side of her neck softly before walking away to help Luke fill orders. Rory watched him for a moment and tucked her hair behind her ear, turning back to the text in front of her. Lorelai frowned.

"You're no fun when you're reading."

"Quit pouting," Rory returned easily. She turned the page and ignored the insistent tapping of her mother's fingers on the counter next to her. After a while, Lorelai sighed and gave up, deciding instead to release her annoyingness on Luke.

XXXXXX

She groped for the phone in the dark, groaning loudly when she heard it clunk onto the floor. She sighed and leaned over to grab it, tumbling off her bed in the process and answering the phone with a very snappy, extremely annoyed "What?"

"I could swear I taught you more manners than that."

Lorelai closed her eyes tightly and rubbed her forehead, remaining seated on the floor in defeat. "I'm sure you did; I just chose to forget them," she agreed. Emily's sigh filtered through the line and she grinned a little.

"I wonder how it is that you run an Inn," she said impatiently. "But I called for a reason."

"You always do," Lorelai yawned. "What's up?"

"Your father and I are hosting a party this week; we'd like you and Rory to come."

Lorelai hesitated and ran a hand through her hair. "Um…"

"I understand that I was out of line at the dinner with Christopher and I apologize. Rory needs to take her own steps to get better. I would have told you sooner if you hadn't avoided dinner for the past two weeks," she said pointedly. Lorelai bit the inside of her lip and thought for a moment. Rory had been doing so much better lately. She was laughing and smiling and hanging out with Lane again… it was nice to see her daughter come to life again after so long as a shell. She sighed heavily and nodded a little.

"I'll talk to Rory but I make no guarantees. If she says no, we aren't coming. End of story."

"Fine. The party is next Friday at seven; we'll be expecting you."

Lorelai nodded, "Okay Mom."

"Oh, and Lorelai?"

She gritted her teeth, "Yes, Mom?"

"If you can't find a date let me know and I'll find one for you. Let Rory know that she can bring whoever she likes."

The receiver clicked and she groaned, slamming down on the off button and tossing the phone onto the bed. She was never answering the phone again.

"Was that Grandma?"

Her eyes flew to the door and she nodded, falling back on the floor as Rory walked into the bedroom. "She's invited us to a party," she said solemnly. "We have to bring dates."

Rory stiffened a little and nodded as she sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at her mother. "When is it?"

"Next Friday," Lorelai waved her hand in the air absently, closing her eyes and sighing heavily. Rory nodded to herself and bit her lip lightly. "Did I mention we have to bring dates?" Rory smiled. She could bring Jess; that would make it a little easier on her.

"Yeah, you mentioned it."

"Because she wants to set me up if I can't find one," she continued, "And she offers you the same 'courtesy,'" she looked up at her daughter to find a smile on the younger girl's face. She frowned. "Why are you smiling?"

"You will find a date. And if all else fails, you can ask Luke."

Lorelai sat up quickly, scrambling to her feet and staring at the girl on her bed. "Luke? Luke Danes, a.k.a. Mr. Antisocial?" Rory's smile widened and she nodded. Lorelai frowned again.

"Think about it," Rory patted her shoulder and started toward the door, "I'm going to go visit Lane before I meet Jess."

Lorelai watched her leave the room and continued frowning. "I'm not taking Luke as my date!" she called.

"Fine! Ask someone else then! Or, you can let Grandma set you up," Rory volleyed back. That only served to deepen the frown and the older Gilmore flopped onto the mattress with a sigh.

XXXXXX

She blinked at her friend as they walked through the town square, shaking her head in confusion.

"Aren't the Hartford elite supposed to be above gossip?"

Rory sighed and shook her head, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jacket. "Far from it; I think it's part of their life mission to make others suffer."

"Bummer," Lane nodded. "But you shouldn't let it get to you."

"I know," Rory nodded a little. "It's just hard sometimes."

"Understandable. However, you have two weeks to spend with your boyfriend and forget about all of the kids at Chilton. Be happy." Rory blushed and rolled her eyes, opening the door to the diner.

"Do not mock," she wagged a finger at her friend and Lane shrugged as she sat down at a table.

"I don't mock. I simply tease," she smiled brightly and Rory rolled her eyes again. Her eyes moved around the diner and stopped when they landed on Jess, trailing his movements as he methodically refilled coffees. Lane cleared her throat loudly and she jumped, turning back toward the Korean girl.

"Now I might mock," she smiled. Rory sighed heavily and pulled her gloves off, flinging them at Lane as punishment.

"If you're going to fling clothes at people, wait until we're alone," Jess whispered into her ear. Her jaw dropped and she smacked him in the chest, laughing at the offended look that crossed his face while trying to keep the flush from her cheeks.

"In your dreams," she shot back, smiling when he leaned down to greet her with a kiss. Lane watched the interaction with amusement, winking at Rory when she glared at her.

"I said nothing," she defended easily. Rory only continued to glare.


	18. ExBoyfriends and Parties

A/N: I suck. I'm totally aware of that, but I've been so busy and my writer's block seems to have taken up permanent residence in my brain. It's a problem. Anyway: I finally, finally, finally got the inspiration to write this chapter today and I'm hoping you all can forgive me for my severe lack of updates. It's frustrating, I know. But this chapter is incredibly long and I hope that makes up for some of the time that has passed. For any of you who are reading _Break Me_, I am putting the story on hold until further notice and I apologize for that. My heart just isn't in the plot line for it at the moment.

That and I want to focus more energy on this story and the multiple challenges/oneshot ideas I have to write. Also: **Walk Away Awards**, a new Literati fanfiction awards site owned by myself and Hider was opened a little while ago and we are in need of judges and nominations. The link can be found in my profile and we appreciate any and all donations you can make.

With all of that being said, I bring you chapter eighteen (which turned out much different than I had originally intended, but my brain seems to like running away even when I put it on a leash).

XXXXXX

She shivered and pulled her jacket tighter around her, scrunching her nose up to get the feeling back in it. Her mother had been in Doose's for the past ten minutes and she was beginning to freeze from waiting outside for her. The game of avoidance she'd been playing since the beginning of last summer was beginning to annoy her. She almost wanted to face Dean if it meant she could avoid frostbite while her mother tried to decide whether Snickers or Smarties were more appropriate for a movie marathon. Her fingers gripped her jacket tighter and she jumped when she heard someone say her name.

It only took her a moment to figure out who the voice belonged to and she inwardly cringed.

"Dean," she returned politely, idly tracing her glove-covered thumb under the sleeve of her jacket and across her wrist. He smiled a little and took a few steps closer. She noticed the apron draped across his arm and pressed her thumb into her skin; hard.

This was what she got for forgetting his schedule.

"How are you?" he asked, somewhat awkwardly. Rory shrugged a little and averted his gaze.

"Better," she returned simply. His jaw clenched a little and he nodded, kicking at the sidewalk.

"I've tried to call you a few times since…" he trailed off. She rolled her eyes.

"I know."

"You never called me back."

"Guess I didn't feel like playing another round of 'forgive and forget,' Dean."

He gaped at her, shocked at her cold tone of voice. "I wanted to give you space to do what you needed to get better," he defended. She scoffed.

"Oh, right. Congratulations, you failed at predicting my needs, yet again," she sighed heavily and crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. Dean stared at her; she looked in the window, trying to find her mother amongst the shelves. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind and she shivered when a kiss was placed against the angle of her jaw.

Jess nodded toward the taller boy and tightened his grip on Rory's waist. Dean glared.

"Hey," Jess whispered in her ear. She smiled a little and introduced the two boys as she leaned against him. Dean promised they would finish their conversation later and went inside the building to start his shift, leaving the couple alone on the otherwise deserted sidewalk.

She sighed heavily and turned in his arms, wrapping her own tightly around his neck and closing her eyes.

"So that was Dean, huh?"

She nodded against his shoulder. Jess rubbed her back lightly and kissed her temple.

"Want me to kick his ass?" She laughed a little and lifted her head to look at him.

"Not necessary, but I appreciate the offer," she smiled. He nodded a little and wrapped her hand in his.

"Did your mom get lost?"

"That or she drowned in her candy purchases."

"Anything is possible," he said wryly. "Wanna take a walk?" Rory nodded and smiled again, turning back and catching Lorelai's eye in the window as they started walking away. Lorelai looked toward the boy who was bagging their groceries and then back at her daughter before nodding knowingly. Rory sighed and stepped closer to Jess as they headed toward the bridge.

She remained quiet the entire way, the fingers on her left hand idly toying with the buttons on her jacket. Jess frowned slightly and traced his thumb across her knuckles, earning a soft sigh and a look from his girlfriend. She squeezed his hand but didn't offer anything else and he nodded to himself as they sat down in the middle of the bridge.

Rory opened her mouth to say something a few times before frowning and closing it again. Finally she let out a groan of frustration. Jess raised an eyebrow at her.

"June."

He blinked at her in confusion and she lay back on the bridge with an impatient sigh.

"The beginning of June; that's when he saw my scars and broke up with me," she clarified. He tensed at her tone of voice and nodded, lying back next to her.

"And it was this _big_ thing. Perfect little Rory wasn't the innocent bookworm he thought she was," she said bitterly, laughing humorlessly. "One look at my wrist and he was just gone. Called my mom and told her to come pick me up and then took off."

Jess cringed a little and turned his head to the side to look at her. Her throat constricted and she continued to stare at the sky and the storm clouds that were rolling in. They were expecting snow tonight.

"And I just stood there. I didn't even wince when he told me he couldn't do it anymore, I just stared at the sidewalk," she continued angrily. Her throat constricted again and her vision blurred a little from the fresh pools of tears in her eyes.

"My mom was so angry," she whispered. "I couldn't even…" she paused when her breath hitched painfully and a tear slipped down her cheek. "I don't even remember what happened after that. I just remember the doctor wrapping my wrist in bandages and my mom crying off to the side."

She sat up suddenly and wiped furiously at her tears, her gloves coming off and being shoved in her pockets. She turned back to look at him and shook her head.

"Why do you even want me?"

Jess sat up quickly, cupping her face in his hands. "Don't even _think_ like that, Rory," he said seriously. He wiped away her next few tears with his thumb and clenched his jaw.

She took deep breaths to calm herself and nodded a little, though she kept crying. He sighed and pulled her into his lap so that she was straddling him, wrapping his arms around her tightly while she buried her head in the crook of his neck.

Rory pulled away from him with another shuddering breath and stared at him. She traced a finger down the side of his face and followed the movement with glassy eyes. "I just … Dean didn't want me, and he didn't even know half as many of my issues as you do," she said quietly. He met her gaze when she looked away from her hand and sighed softly.

Jess reached up and gripped her hand, pressing his mouth to the nearly-invisible white lines on her wrist. She shivered and he pushed her sleeve back before kissing every blemish on her arm that he could find. She watched him with an intense expression, mouth open slightly as he continued to burn paths across her skin. His other hand tangled in the hair at the base of her neck and he pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth.

"I could ask the same question, you know," he said softly. Rory nodded a little and he kissed her cheek affectionately. "You know more than I've ever told anyone before."

She sniffled and wiped a stray tear away while he tugged on her hands, lying back on the bridge until she was sprawled across his chest. He returned to his previous task and kissed the inside of her wrist again. Rory took a deep breath to steady herself and cuddled into him, pressing her forehead against his neck while he continued to trace the scars on her wrist with a tender mouth and uncertain fingers.

He pushed her hair behind her ear and she raised her head to look at him, smiling shyly. Jess smirked and she sat up, tangling their fingers together and pushing his arms up above his head while she leaned down to kiss him softly. He squeezed her hands and returned the gesture, trailing chaste kisses along the angle of her jaw.

His cheek pressed against hers, breath ghosting across her skin and eliciting a shiver from her. She could feel him smile against her neck and he pressed a kiss to the skin just below her ear.

Her eyes snapped open when she heard him whisper, "I love you."

XXXXXX

"Mom!"

Lorelai jumped and hit her head on the bed frame. She rubbed her head impatiently and shouted a muffled reply as she continued to look for her missing shoe. With a cry of triumph she emerged from under the bed, heel held high in the air as her daughter came bounding into her bedroom. She lowered the shoe and raised her eyebrows at the look on Rory's face. She had clearly been crying, but her mouth was spread into such a big smile that it made Lorelai wonder if her face was going to split in half from the pressure.

"Care to share?" she asked with a smile, standing up and adding the shoe to the pile of clothing that was steadily growing on the end of her bed. Rory bit her bottom lip and stepped further into the room, flopping down onto the bed.

"He loves me," she said giddily. Lorelai backed out of her closet quickly, eyes wide.

"Jesus? Well, that is what they tell you in church," she teased. Rory rolled her eyes.

"No, Mom," she said impatiently. Lorelai grinned a little and sat next to her on the bed, turning to face her.

"So? Details, missy," she patted her daughters knee impatiently and Rory turned to face her as she started the story.

When she finished she was slightly out of breath from talking so quickly. Lorelai smiled brightly at her daughter's look of pure elation and laughed slightly.

"So he loves you, huh?"

Rory blushed and picked at the comforter, nodding. Lorelai grinned. "How cute," she cooed. The younger Gilmore rolled her eyes and got off the bed, backing up towards the door.

"I need to get ready for grandma's party," she said softly.

"So that you can introduce them to Jess," Lorelai agreed. Rory visibly brightened at the mention of her boyfriend and nodded before turning and heading downstairs to her room. Lorelai sighed and sank back into her mattress, staring at the ceiling.

She ignored the phone when it rang and thought over what she was about to put herself through. Luke had reluctantly agreed to accompany her to her parents' party so she wouldn't have to suffer through a night of conversation with a pretentious rich boy. The look on his face when she'd asked him had been priceless.

She giggled a little at the memory and sat up when her daughter's excited conversation floated up the stairs. Tonight would probably turn out to be hellish.

Or maybe she was just assuming too much.

XXXXXX

"Lorelai, Rory, you made it!" Emily cried when she opened the door. Lorelai forced a smile and nodded, patting Luke's shoulder.

"And I even managed to find my own date," she said cheerfully. Emily turned her gaze to Luke and pasted on a polite expression.

"Hello, Luke."

"Mrs. Gilmore," he returned. Emily stepped aside to let them in and smiled genuinely when she saw her granddaughter.

"I'm so glad you could make it," she said happily as she hugged the younger girl. Rory awkwardly hugged her back and reclaimed Jess' hand as they stepped into the house. Emily thought she vaguely remembered the boy. "So who is your date?"

Rory handed her jacket to her mother and smiled slightly as she looked at Jess. He held out a hand, "Jess Mariano." Emily smiled kindly and took the hand he proffered.

"My boyfriend," Rory added softly. He tightened his grip on her hand slightly and Emily's eyes widened a little.

"It's lovely to meet you," Emily said sincerely. "Well, nearly everyone is here, so go on ahead into the living room to mingle; I'll see to it that you receive your drinks shortly."

The group nodded and Lorelai bit the inside of her cheek to keep from making a comment as she led Luke toward the small crowd in the living room. Jess and Rory followed after them, talking quietly with each other.

"If all else fails, just get completely plastered," Lorelai whispered conspiratorially. Luke rolled his eyes.

XXXXXX

He leaned over to whisper in her ear after looking around the room. "What exactly is the purpose of this party?"

Rory grinned and patted his shoulder lightly. "An excuse for Hartford's elitist parents and children to mingle under the pretense of Christmas spirit," she said seriously. Jess smirked a little and kissed the tip of her nose, earning a blush and a soft smile from her.

"I, for one, don't understand why everyone seems so interested. It's just another sob story."

She tensed when she heard the all-too familiar voice and turned her head to see where it had come from. Paris stood on the opposite side of the room, glass of cider in one hand while she degraded the boy standing across from her about his repetition of the latest gossip.

Jess squeezed her hand and stood up, tugging her with him. She looked at him curiously.

"Let's mingle," he winked and pulled her in Paris' direction.

"What are you doing?" Rory hissed, continuing to follow him. He gave her a smile and she huffed as they came to a stop in front of the blond. Paris sent the boy on his way and turned toward them, pausing when she caught site of Rory.

"Lovely party," she commented. Rory nodded.

"They are my grandma's specialty," she agreed dryly. Paris took a sip of her cider and noticed the tight grip the couple had on each other's hand.

"Boyfriend?"

"Paris, this is Jess. Jess, Paris," Rory introduced. Jess nodded and Paris smiled, nodding in turn. Jess squeezed Rory's hand slightly and she got the hint. Sighing, she pulled her hand from his and asked Paris if they could talk somewhere else. Paris agreed after a moment's hesitation and they stepped into the library.

The door closed quietly behind her and Rory leaned her forehead against it before taking a deep breath and turning around. Paris looked around the room with interest, taking in the vast amount of books that were displayed on the shelves that covered every wall.

"My therapist thinks I need to get away for a few weeks."

Rory crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Do you think that would help?"

Paris frowned slightly and contemplated the question. She turned to look at the brunette girl and shrugged. "I honestly don't know." Rory nodded.

Silence descended over the room and Paris sighed after a while, leaning against one of the shelves. "I never meant to be that harsh with you," she said quietly.

"So why were you?"

"I guess I just … got tired of it; everything was just piling up and you seemed like an easy target."

"You know, I'm not as naïve as everyone thinks," Rory said suddenly. Paris looked up at her and tilted her head to the side. She nodded after a moment and started toward the door.

"No, you're not," she agreed as she opened the door. She turned back to look at the other girl. "But if you need any help convincing your grandparents that you're stable, let me know."

Rory smiled to herself and followed her out. She paused when she caught site of her boyfriend leaning nonchalantly against a wall, swirling his glass around idly. Her breath caught when he saw her watching him and he smiled.

"Rory!"

She snapped out of it and turned around, plastering a smile on her face as one of her grandmother's friends started chatting with her. By the time she managed to get away, Jess was in a conversation with her grandfather and she walked quickly toward their area of the room, dodging people along the way.

"Rory!" Richard smiled brightly when she approached them and gave her a quick hug. She smiled.

"Hi, grandpa," she said sweetly. Jess gave her a quick wink and she blushed slightly as she took his hand. "I see you met Jess?" She shot her boyfriend a look and he shook his head imperceptibly.

No, her grandfather didn't hate him. She grinned.

"Oh, yes. We were just discussing Hemingway. You've read his works, haven't you dear?"

She inwardly groaned and prepared herself to defend her point of view.


	19. Metal Meets Plastic

A/N: I really had not intended for this to happen, but it did and … I feel like I've told my story. What you are about to read is the final chapter to this fic, and the first multi-chapter fic (not including series) that I've finished on this site. Huge, huge hugs to everyone who has read and/or left a review, and I appreciate your patience and your feedback more than you could possibly imagine.

So, here it is, and I hope you enjoy. Leave me one last review? Please?

--

She leaned tiredly against him with a yawn, closing her eyes as she snuggled into his chest. He stroked her hair absently and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She smiled a little and mumbled incomprehensibly as she cuddled even closer to him.

"We should find your mom," Jess murmured softly. Rory yawned again and frowned, keeping her eyes closed.

"Too comfy," she mumbled. He laughed a little and wrapped his arm around her tightly, kissing her forehead again.

Richard looked across the room at the couch his granddaughter and her boyfriend were currently occupying and smiled softly. Rory was curled up next to Jess, her arms wrapped loosely around his torso and her head resting lightly on his chest. They were talking and laughing quietly with one another, oblivious to the few stragglers that were still standing around exchanging last goodbyes with one another.

"Sickening, aren't they?"

He turned around and Lorelai smiled at him, gesturing toward the couple on the couch.

"They're always like that," she explained. Richard nodded a little and glanced back at the teenagers again, smiling when Rory giggled.

"She seems to be doing much better," he said softly.

Lorelai nodded, "She is. She's been a lot happier lately."

"Jess?"

"Jess."

"Well," Richard took a sip of his drink and nodded, "Then thank God for small miracles."

"Yeah," Lorelai smiled. She patted her father on the arm affectionately and wandered over to the couches, sitting down across the coffee table from Rory and Jess. "Are you her human pillow?"

Jess rolled his eyes and pulled Rory closer to him. "She's tired," he said softly. "Fell asleep on me about a minute ago."

"If your uncle would make an appearance and my mother would do the same so we could say goodbye, we'd be on our merry way," Lorelai grumbled. She scanned the room and again failed to spot either Emily or Luke.

"It's okay," Jess shook his head, "Take your time." Lorelai smiled softly.

"You really are in love with her, aren't you?"

Jess ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the girl in his arms, nodding sheepishly. Lorelai's smile widened into a grin and she patted him on the head as she stood to go search for Luke and Emily.

--

"We'll see you next week for dinner," Emily smiled. Lorelai nodded a little and pushed Luke out the door.

"Sounds good," she agreed. She was still reeling from the fact that the night had passed without incident; Emily could have asked her to submit her body for alien transmogrification and she would have agreed without even considering it.

Rory yawned tiredly and leaned further into Jess. He wrapped his arm around her waist tighter and gave a little wave as he practically carried her out to the car. Emily smiled after them.

"Lorelai was right," she said softly.

"That she was," Richard agreed from behind her.

--

Rory moaned tiredly when Jess deposited her in her bed and he laughed quietly as he pushed her hair out of her face. He stood back from the twin mattress and took a moment to stare down at her; her hair was all over the place, her eyes shut tightly as she drifted off to sleep, her clothes twisted awkwardly around her body. He smiled a little and lifted her hand, placing a kiss against her knuckles before letting go and turning to leave the room.

"Jess?"

He paused in the doorway and turned back around. She had her eyes open and was staring at him from her position on the bed. He slowly stepped back toward her and took a seat on the edge of the mattress. Rory smiled at him and took his hand in hers, tangling their fingers together.

"I have to go," he whispered quietly. She frowned and sat up to press a gentle kiss against his mouth.

"Stay here tonight," she matched his volume. Jess shook his head and ran his hand along her cheek.

"Lorelai won't let me."

"She'll understand," she smiled, echoing her words from last summer. Jess shivered a little and kissed her again.

"Ror," he kissed her lips chastely, "I really," and again, "have to," and once more, "go."

Rory sighed heavily and kissed him one last time before slipping her arms from around his neck. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll come over and wake you up," he smirked. "We're in charge of party favors for New Years, remember?" She groaned and fell back against her pillow, laughing tiredly.

"That's right," she nodded. He leaned down and kissed her forehead before standing and exiting her room to go home.

Rory stared at the ceiling blearily for a few minutes before furrowing her brow and rubbing at her eyes to clear them. She reached her hand over the side of the bed and felt underneath the mattress for the small box she had put there months ago. When her fingers curled over the familiar corners of it she bit her lip and pulled the object out from under the bed and set it on her stomach.

She drummed her fingers across the lid of it for a few minutes, quirking her mouth in contemplation.

After a decidedly long thinking period she opened the small box and grasped the piece of metal that resided inside of it, gripping the thin object between her fingers tightly. She winced at the coldness of it and shivered.

This had been her comfort for almost a year.

She tossed the box onto the floor and raised the blade up above her head so she could examine it. There was still a bit of dried blood on the sharpened side of it, and she could see small rust spots forming where here tears had fallen so long ago.

Rory let out a shaky breath and ran the dull edge of the blade along her still-remaining scars - the ones the doctor claimed would never fully heal due to the depth of the cuts - and cringed at the feeling.

She much preferred warm hands and soft voices.

With a sigh, she set the blade on her nightstand and turned over in her bed as she tried to get comfortable. She fleetingly thought of Jess as she was drifting into unconsciousness and smiled to herself when she finally fell asleep.

--

"You better have coffee," Lorelai said when she opened the door. Jess smirked and held up a small drink carrier, four Styrofoam cups sitting in the little cardboard crate. She took two of them and smiled brightly. "I knew there was a reason I liked you." He rolled his eyes and she wandered into the living room.

Jess set the remaining two coffees on the kitchen table and wandered into his girlfriend's room. She was still asleep, curled up under the covers with her arms wrapped tightly around her pillow. He smiled a little and crawled into the bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist from behind and pressing kisses against the back of her neck.

"You better have coffee," she mumbled against her pillow. Jess blinked at the back of her head and then laughed, pressing another kiss to the juncture of her shoulder.

"Do I seem like I want to lose this arm?"

Rory smiled and turned over, burying her head in his chest. "No, but I never know with you," she mumbled. He shook his head and ran his fingers through her hair lightly.

"You better get out there before your mom drinks all four of the cups that I brought over," he murmured. She pulled back enough to look at him and blinked to clear her eyes. She smiled when she could see him fully and pressed a lazy kiss to his chin.

"My boyfriend brings me coffee," she grinned as she got out of bed and wandered into the kitchen, "He loves me more than I thought!" she shouted gleefully. Jess rolled his eyes and followed her, leaning against the doorway of her room.

"Hurry up and get dressed, we have things to do." Rory saluted him and downed her coffee as she headed back into her bedroom to change, shoving him out of the way and shutting her door in the process.

--

She sighed in relief when they walked into the bookstore, breathing in the scent of unread pages and laughing brightly.

"Finally, a store I actually _like_," she grinned. Jess shook his head and placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her toward the fiction section.

"Blame your mother for putting you, and consequently me, I might add, in charge of silly string and streamers for a New Year's Eve party that is going to consist of no more than four people," he whispered. Rory smiled at him over her shoulder and dropped the bags she was carrying in an armchair as she started browsing through the shelves.

"I can't believe she's trying to distract me from Christmas by sending me shopping for New Years stuff," she scoffed and ran her fingers over the bindings.

"Yeah, real shocker there," he agreed sarcastically. Rory turned around to punch him in the shoulder and felt her breath catch in her throat when he caught her mouth in a swift kiss. "Now hush and let me look," he whispered. She nodded a little and pulled away from him to continue browsing.

--

Lorelai slammed her palms against the counter impatiently. "Luke, I demand coffee. Now. And if I need to I'll dance on this counter in order to get it!"

Luke threw his rag over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at her. "Rather Coyote Ugly of you, don't you think?"

"You saw that movie?" she gaped at him. He rolled his eyes and reached for the coffee pot behind him, pouring her a cup and sliding it across the counter to her.

"You tell no one," he warned. Lorelai grinned over the rim of her cup and took a sip of her coffee.

"Keep the coffee coming and no one will ever know," she swore. He sighed and walked away to serve a customer while she enjoyed her coffee and looked around the diner.

The bell above the door jingled after a few minutes and she turned to see who had walked into the restaurant. Jess was holding a myriad of bags and Rory was rambling about something, seemingly fascinated with the topic. Jess grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her mouth to make her stop talking.

Lorelai squawked out a protest and they separated quickly, Rory turning an endearing shade of red.

"Did you get everything?" Lorelai grinned. Rory sighed and sat down next to her at the counter, dropping her bags at her feet.

"Almost. Taylor apparently put a ban on silly string, so we'll have to go to Hartford for that."

"A ban on silly string?" Lorelai gasped, "We should protest!"

"Yeah, because that'll go over well," Jess commented. He poured Rory a cup of coffee and she smiled at him. He winked at her and walked back around the counter to refill cups of coffee while she turned her attention back to her mother.

"Speaking of protests, have you reconsidered letting me open my Christmas present early?"

Rory narrowed her eyes. "Mother, you are not five. You can wait another two days for Christmas to open your presents."

"But I want them now," Lorelai pouted. Rory shook her head and jumped off her stool, hugging her mother quickly before gathering up the bags at her feet.

"I'm going home to take a shower and attempt to organize all of this before you decide to break it out early. Tell Jess to come by around seven for movies," Rory said as she headed toward the door. Lorelai promised she would and watched as her daughter rushed down the sidewalk in the direction of the Gilmore residence.

--

She smiled at him when she opened the door and he held up a box from Luke's. "Care package," he explained simply. Her smile widened and she let him into the house before closing the door and following him into the kitchen.

"This was sweet of you," she said softly as she wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder. Jess shrugged a little and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Figured we've had pizza at enough of these things already, thought it might be time for a change."

Rory nodded against his shoulder and closed her eyes when he kissed her mouth quickly.

"Where's your mom?"

"Helping Sookie with something at the Inn," she said quietly. Jess nodded and released her so he could sort through the massive amount of food in front of him. Rory nibbled on the inside of her bottom lip as she watched him.

"Why don't you just carry all of this into the living room and start the movie," she suggested. "I have to do something." Jess looked at her curiously but nodded after a moment, turning back to his task.

She left the kitchen and walked into her bedroom, picking up the blade that was lying on her nightstand. She held it in her palm for a minute, staring at it and trying to remember the time she'd been so infatuated with it.

It seemed like light years ago.

She sighed heavily and carried the piece of metal into the kitchen, opening the lid on the trash can and throwing the blade into it harshly. Jess leaned against the doorway of the kitchen and smiled when he heard the metal clink against the plastic that lined the bottom of the garbage.

_fin. (the end)_


End file.
